Alpha's Journey [h.s.]

Chapter 20

              182 Days Without Calla

I'm laying in bed.

And she's not here.

There's no one to blame but the darkness in my heart.

I knew I said that I would try to forget about her but I can't. No matter how hard I try I just can't seem to get her out of my head, she's like a drug.

And I'm addicted.

I open the window to be met with a cold breeze. Shivering at the chilly air I quickly wrap my arms around myself to create some type of warmth.

Winter was coming.

It is Calla's favorite time of year or at least it was until everything changed...Nope! I'm not going to dwell on the past, I need to continue to move forward. Closing the window I walk downstairs to see Amelia sitting in her highchair.

How the hell did she get here?

I didn't bring her.

"Amelia how did you-

"Relax mate. I brought her down, figured I'd do you a favor." An Irish voice says. I look to my right to see Niall leaning against the kitchen frame.

"Niall?" I ask confused.

"Hi Harry." He smiles.

"How the hell did you get in here?"

"Um, I totally didn't pick your lock or anything..." He looks down at the ground.

"Seriously?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Yeah man." He laughs.

"Okay, so why are you here?"

"I just wanted to see what my best mate was up to." He walks over to me.

"You sound like Liam." I point out.

"Well is he right?" I sigh.

"I suppose he is."

"Look Harry, I know that things haven't turned out the way you planned but you still have us...You still have me and no matter what happens we're with you till the end." He puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Thanks." I say.

"Even though sometimes you can be a impulsive dick." He snickers.

"Get out." I tell him with a blank face.

"I'm just messing with you." He looks over at Amelia who was playing with her food.

"She's beautiful." I nod my head in agreement.

"She is isn't she?" I look at my daughter fondly.

"All the boys are going to be all over her." I roll my eyes.

"I'm not letting no one near her." I growl, my protective side taking over.

"Calm down Darth Vader." I give him a death glare but he doesn't flinch.

"So how have you been holding up?" He asks.

"I'm fine." I shrug.

"You're lying."

"Excuse me?" I raise a eyebrow.

"You're not fine Harry...You're never going to be fine until C-

"Don't." I growl stopping him from saying her name.

"Don't you dare say her fucking name." I tell him.

"You can't act like she doesn't exist Harry!" He raises his voice.

"She doesn't! Not anymore!" I walk into the kitchen.

"She's your mate Harry." He follows after me. I roll my eyes and pick Amelia up from the chair.

"I'm not doing this Niall." I walk past him.

"Not doing what? Remembering the only person who makes you who you are!" He yells. I stop walking and turn to him.

"What do you want me to fucking say Niall?! That the only thing that keeps me going in the shitty world is gone? And that I know she's never coming back to me." I fire back.

"No I don't expect you to do that Harry but you can't just act like she doesn't mean anything to you anymore." I look down.

"Maybe she doesn't." I say and he scoffs.

"You know that's bullshit."

"Do you have any idea what I have been through for the past six months?!" I ask him and he remains quiet.

"Hell." I tell him.

"Pure fucking hell and the only reason that I have made it this far is forgetting the only thing that kept me going." My voice cracks.

"Let's both face it...Without her I am nothing." He shakes his head.

"That's not true Harry." He sighs.

"Yes it is Niall, everything is different because she's not here with me." I whisper in defeat.

"Harry, you aren't different because things changed. Change happens. Tragedy happens. People make choices, and those choices affect everyone else. "You're not god Harry." I shake my head.

"Then who am I?" I chuckle humorously.

"You're you Harry." I tilt my head.

"Calla didn't make you better, she helped you realize that you've been better all along, you didn't need her help to be become a better man. She just convinced you to believe that you were." He explains.

"Well then why did she leave me?" He gives me a sad smile.

"I don't know mate."

"You know for the past couple of months I just wanted a reason on why did this happen to me, just a glimpse of logic that could help me see clearly. I wanted answers to this situation but at the end of the day I come up short everytime, you know?" I take a deep breath.

"I guess sometimes we don't need a reason when a situation is completely unreasonable."

"Some things just happen Harry and we won't completely now why but we will know is that it's for a good reason." I nod.

"I had to learn a lesson." I look up.

"Maybe." He agrees.

"H-How will I ever move forward?" I look over to Amelia on my hip, who has fallen asleep.

"Sometimes the only way to move forward is to revisit the things in your past that were holding you back. You have to deal with them head on, no matter how scary they may be. Because once we do, you will see that you can go further than you ever imagined." I give him a confused look.

"When did you become so wise?"

"It's been six months Hazza, people tend to change in that amount of time." He walks over to the door.

"You're leaving?" I almost ask sadly.

"Gotta get home to my mate...And maybe you should go see yours." With that final words he opens the door and leaves.

I take in his words and look over to the pictures on the wall.

Maybe things did happen for a reason...And that I have been too ignorant to see how it would affect me if I continued to ignore my past. But Calla wasn't my past, she was my future. I need to stop trying to make everything go away and instead try to wait for things to come by chance.

If there's one thing I learned from Niall today is that I need to stop trying to force the solution.

It'll happen on it's own.

//

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