Holden Steele's Ruin [Completed]

Chapter 13

I sat staring unblinkingly at the window as the sun rose, gulping down the navy colour that had earlier filled the sky. I watched as new day began, disregarding my jumbled life and continuing on consequently forcing me to pick up my crumbled pieces.

Feeling grimy after my nightmare, I had an overwhelming need to shower, my skin itching in irritation. I lightly moaned in pain as I shifted on the bed, my head throbbing from all the crying I had done as I made my way to the bathroom, which much to my delight were devoid of any presence. I let the warm water wash over me, untying all the knots in my tense muscle, easing my mind the slightest bit.

I found Avery dragging herself out of bed when I arrived back at the room, feeling slightly refreshed having changed into clean clothes that weren't dowsed in perspiration and guilt. Loud shuffling resonated from Avery's side of the room as she roughly tugged off her blanket, shoving a large chunk of hair out of her face. Over our time together as roommates I had gathered she was not a morning person, the only reason she was barely dragging herself out of bed was because she had an early class today.

"I hate Thursdays! Why the hell do I have to get up so goddamn early!" she wined while rubbing her pale blue eyes that were obviously ladened with sleep. She proceeded to throwing her head on the pillow realising a muffled groan.

"Why are you awake, you only have like one class today and its in the afternoon" she turned her head slightly, looked at me in horror, I bet wondering who would wake up this early if not for classes. But unlike her I didn't have the luxury of sleep, my sadistic subconscious wouldn't let me choose if and when to sleep in and I despised sleeping pills, they were like a way of portraying that I was sick, unstable.

So with a small shrug I mumbled "I just have some reading to do" which was technically not a lie, I did have a copious amount of assignments and unwritten notes. I distinctively heard her mumble something along the lines of 'damn morning people' as she walked out of the door albeit sloppily.

What she didn't know was I really wasn't a morning person, I just resulted into not scaring her with how grumpy I could be, I had my days too and unfortunately my mother had been on the receiving end severally, that I am completely ashamed of. I stuffed my things into my book bag before heading to the cafe, noting lightly how much coffee had become my staple food since I joined the university.

The cafe was slightly crowded today, which was honestly dismaying, but I luckily found my regular table unoccupied. I ordered my coffee before taking refuge on my usual seat, under the large window. Unlike other days when I would have enjoyed the natural light, today I found it irritating, the soft murmurs of the other occupants further drawing my frustration. I was just about to take my leave when I noticed a familiar head of black hair.

I had no idea how I knew it was him but I did, I watched my eyes glued to him as he ran slender fingers between his black locks. The wind further tussling hair, some flopping into his eyes before he shoved a black baseball hat on, It suited him, I thought as I continued my blatant staring. His long legs had been encased in light grey sweat pants as a thin white shirt covered his chiseled chest.

I could distinctively see the intricate design of his tattoos through his shirt, blank ink scattered allover his muscular built. I noticed a word written on his outer left thumb as he curled his artistic long fingers into fists, it was short but in beautiful design, but no matter how much I squinted past my glasses I couldn't make it out. It was only when I saw his lips moving rapidly that I realized he had a phone pressed against his ear, his eyes glared at the dirt road as get spoke clearly annoyed at the person on the other side of the line.

I continued watching in a trance until I was no longer able to see him, his back disappearing around a corner. That was when the guilt I had managed to brush off since Monday began to creep its ugly head at me. I felt guilty for telling him what I had, he might have been a stranger to me but he was still the one that helped me, he held me and conformed me the whole night and I was a completely ungrateful bitch to him.

I had forgotten that he had no idea why I couldn't press charges, that to him it wasn't understandable to just sweep the matter under the rug and pretend to move on. To him I was probably just a weak girl afraid to face the truth and to some extent I was, I had always been her.

I already knew I had to apologize but I didn't know how. I had practically shoved him out of my life, I doubt he would want to see me again. We're practically strangers right and that's all we'll ever be, his sharp words still played in my head making me involuntarily wince at the acidity of his words.

I decided to forget all thoughts of Holden, which proved to be much difficult than I had earlier perceived as I discarded my cup heading out of the cafe.

The rest of the day went by in a blur, I was either cursing people out in my head or glaring at an inanimate object. I attended my class, seating in the middle corner as the professor emphasised on as statistics of sorts. To be completely honest, his balding head held more of my attention than his monotone voice. My body was still aching in irritation at my lack of sleep as my eyes burnt with dryness.

I was practically dragging myself to the dorms later in the day, my muscles screaming in antagonising pain. However my exhaustion was immediately discarded when, the hairs on my arm stood as an uncanny feeling spread through me. I felt like I was being followed, but every time I looked behind me I was met with the curious stares of other students as they walked briskly past me. It could possibly just be in my head, it had happened before and it turned out to just be paranoia.

I however, locked all doors and windows when I entered my room. I felt like a fathom hand was gripping my throat, cutting of my air circulation as I struggled to breath. Coupled with the aggressive ache in my skull, I was a heaving disaster waiting to explode.

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