Broken Beyond Repair

Chapter XV: Predilections and Deposition

~Recap~

Finally I stopped retreating from Anthony and stood there not moving an inch. I felt his hand slip into mine and envelop me into a hug. His body was so warm, and I felt fine again.

Through all my shit called life, I finally felt ok. Not worthless, not stupid, not helpless.

Just ok.

And maybe, just maybe I could live with that.

~~~~~~~

The hug lingered, and it felt so cold when ended. My body was too tired to function right. I started crying like a silly baby. I covered my face, while crying so much I was shaking.

I could not even see what Anthony was doing, when my hands left my face. My cheeks were puffy and eyes red. 

He just said, "Sophia. You can stay here for a while ok? If you're not comfortable with it that's fine, but I'll be here for you. Not out of pity or sympathy, just to be compassionate to a wonderful girl I met."

My emotions took hold of a great portion of my life, but now they seemed to dissipate. I felt nothing. My mind couldn't comprehend compassion. I had my fair share of hurt and conflict, that I had forgotten all about kindness and love.

The day moved like waves in the ocean. Always changing and shifting in a beautiful, but dark and scary way. We talked through some things. Just getting to know each other. I felt safe -maybe- with him. I still was cautious, but in a more practical way.

He offered me food of course; although, I didn't really have the stomach to eat. He insisted. Anthony made grilled cheese. Out of every food. Grilled cheese.

I remember Damien's broken and worn body. The bandages covering his skin. The blood lining his face. I still longed for him. His touch and his loving side. I couldn't shake the feeling of guilt. The guilt of abandoning him which I kept telling myself was the right decision. 

Anthony's compassion had planted a seed of doubt in my mind. A seed that sprouted into more worry. That Anthony showed kindness to me, I should in turn be kind to Damien.

~Damien's Perspective~

My eyes came back to the letter. I found some push pins and hung it on the wall.

I grabbed all of the kitchen knives, throwing each one with a steady hand.

By the end of it knife marks lined the wall and several holes had been made in the letter. I needed more. Something more violent. I needed a vent.

I carefully removed the letter from the place it had been pinned. Surprising, all of the words were still legible. I ran my fingers over where Sophia had signed her name. The closing contained the word love. Out of every word she chose love. Not, yours truly, sincerely, or even goodbye. Love. . . . the word that pained my heart at this very moment. The very idea that shattered my whole world into a million pieces.

At least she sent the letter with love.

My thought's couldn't be comprehended. I was too much of a mess to think straight. I needed her. A person to be there for me. A person to -I dare say- love me. I let her slip through my hands so easily. I gave no argument to try to salvage what was left. It was my fault. The reason she is gone is me.

I paced around the house which still remained a disorganized mess. I was alone with my thoughts. I had a multitude of time to figure things out, but it was also wasteful. Being stuck with my own thoughts was torture. 

Nothing to hear but my own toxic mind.

I came to the conclusion that I needed to find her.

Without another thought, I walked out the door. I didn't know where to go. Maybe to that girl's house who Sophia came to the party with.

The only thing is that I don't even know where she lives. I thought back to the night of the party. Sophia had said the girls address if only I could remember it. It was along the lines of Utah, university, or I don't know utensils. Wait. . . Union Lane was it?

I knew of that street since I know my way around town. It wasn't much of a lead, but it was good enough.

The roads were quite empty, and there weren't many people out. But soon enough I found the neighborhood. Shit. There were too many houses to find the girl today. It was already mid afternoon, so I couldn't search all the houses. Hell! She could be out for the day!

I was already beginning to hate this plan, but I couldn't give up. If there was a slim chance to find Sophia, I would take it.

My patience was wearing thin as I approached the 30th house of the night. The sun was setting, and I didn't know If I'd ever find Soph.

Out of this world world, could I just have this one thing? 

The house was quite small, one that a young adult may purchase. It had a plain white exterior with gray shingles. A small car was parked in the driveway. It looked unkempt and messing, but it was worth a shot.

I knocked on the door as I heard someone stirring inside. The creaked open as I waited in suspense.

A girl with fiery red hair and a pale face answered. She looked awful as in a state of not looking.

Jessie- Who are you?

Damien- Uh. . . I'm looking for Sophia Warren. Do you know her?

Jessie- Ugh that bitch! Why?

I felt a hot sensation run up my neck. I urged myself to stay calm while another side of me wanted to shut this woman up. Some friend she was. I calmed myself down as a plan had come to mind. One that should show this insolent girl a lesson.

Sophia Warren, I will not stop until I can explain this love I feel for you. I won't give up. Just please. Wait for me. . . 

~Perspective Ends~

{ Hello my lovely readers! It's nice to be back :) Surprise! I'm going to be updating my story every Sunday. At least that will always be my goal to get a new chapter out by then. In addition to this, I know most of the chapters have been mundane and fillers, but worry not (lol) Everything is about to pick up pace. Please feel free to leave comments and like the chapter. It means a lot to me. Thank you and bye! }