Sins Of The Mother (TRLS)

Chapter 34

Memories: they come and go. Some are triggered by a song, or a picture, maybe even a smell, or a taste. Some are lost forever, but some stay within our minds forever because of their impact on us. Memories can create happiness or misery in us depending on their content. I have many memories from my crazy life that will stay with me always. One of them will always stay within my heart to continue to bring warmth to me when I need it the most. The most interesting fact about this memory is that it is centered on Tom. Let me take you back to a cold January night while Tom and I were still at Hogwarts. Before all of the messes we created together, even before my children were born. Let me take you back to a far more simple time in my life.

It was a morning much like any other, but the sunrise however was particularly beautiful on this day. Yes I was in anguish with pregnancy symptoms, but I was content for the time being. Classes had been becoming one big blur as I began to pay less attention as Tom tended to handle my homework for me. My clothes were fitting much tighter as my belly grew larger. Time seemed to be going so fast and though each day made me more nervous for the arrival of my twins I was cheered up by the thought of them. Tom wasn't much of a shoulder to cry on but he was something. He was helpful at times when I needed him, like for midnight snacks, or answers to my quizzes. He could be mean a lot of the time, but he was a surprisingly good listener when he needed to be.

    On this particular morning I was feeling homesick. I grew tired of the boring stories the girls would tell about their rich boyfriends or their newfound appreciation for potions with Slughorn as the professor. My back ached as I hurried down the corridor in search of the library. I left pretty early not being able to handle one more gossipy comment from the peanut gallery that resided in my room. No I'm not interested in studying, but everyday that passes I grow more and more curious about going home. Some days when I'm feeling down I think of what life could be like if I could go back to my own time period. I know there would be consequences for my actions, but in this moment I couldn't bring myself to care. The time turner is what got me here in the first place, but I was notified by Voldemort himself that it was basically a one way ticket. It was probably charmed or something but maybe it could be charmed again. Maybe somewhere here I could find some kind of information.

     Maybe it was just a distant dream but the curiosity in me made me want to search for answers. Maybe it would bring me some comfort just to know it was possible. Very few books mention the time tuner unfortunately I began to notice as I flipped through countless pages. All hope in me seemed to be dissipating but I decided to keep looking. Finally I found something mentioning the time turner and I smiled grateful that I had kept looking. I began to read it when I felt a hand on my shoulder making me jump. I turned to see Tom looking curiously at the book in my hands. I closed it shut and held it closely to my chest. "You scared me," I said as I took a step back from him. "Why are you here so early?" He asked as he looked from the book to me. "I couldn't sleep," I said as I placed the book back on the shelf. "You hardly resort to reading in your spare time," he stated suspiciously. "I figured I'd try something new," I said as I picked up the stack of books I had gathered from the floor and began to put them away. Suddenly from the corner of my eye I saw him flick his wand and the books were magically levitating to their proper place. "You have magic for that," he stated as I grabbed my bag. "My mother always said magic is supposed to make things easier for the unable and for now I am still able. She did all the house chores herself because it relaxed her and reminded her that she was able to do things without the help of magic, and I am just the same." I told him as I thought back to watching my mother carry baskets of laundry up and down the stairs refusing to use magic for things as simple as house chores. "What's the point of being a witch if you can't make your life easier with the use of magic?" He asked almost in disgust. "It robs you of character," I said with a shrug as I begin to walk away. "I happen to think the opposite," he said as he followed me. "I knew you would," I replied as I trudged on down the aisle of books. "I can see it in your eyes you're upset about something," he said suddenly. I stalled in my tracks and turned to him with furrowed brows. "I didn't think you were that observant or at least with me," I stated honestly. "I spend most of my time with you I should be able to see when you're unhappy," he said to which I looked down. "I guess I'm just a little homesick," I stated as I slowly raised my eyes to meet his. "So you decided to read a book about charmed artifacts," he stated. "There's no correlation. I just wanted a distraction," I lied but I knew he didn't believe me. "If I can clearly see when you're upset you should be aware I can see when you're lying as well," he said. "Don't worry I'm not a flight risk, I was just curious," I said with a sigh knowing I had been caught. "Curious as to how you could go back to the future?" He asked for clarification. "Maybe I'd find comfort in knowing it was possible so I wouldn't feel so trapped," I spoke my thoughts from earlier. "That's foolish mentality," he said as he sat beside me on the sofa in the library. "Well your entitled to your wrong opinion," I said without looking in his direction. He thought for a moment and then replied. "You hate this time period because you're too busy missing your old one. Why don't you try to make the best out of it and actually start living instead of sulking about the past?" He said assertively. I guess I was just stuck in my head about all of this. I hadn't really tried to make the best out of this because I was so upset about it. It brought a certain warmth to me as I pondered actually trying to build a life here and in a sense forget about the future though I know it'll be impossible. "I'll never be able to see my parents or my friends ever again. I feel so alone," I said sadly recognizing the worst part of all of this. "Your parents are only temporary, when you grow old your parents die. You were rushed into adulthood by this predicament therefore you have no need for parents any longer. As for friends you can always gain more they are like pawns if you lose some you can just start the game over and gain some more." His words seemed so hardcore but they began to make sense to me. Though I hated his mentality it helped me accept losing what I was holding onto so tightly. "You aren't alone you have the children....you have....me," a smile began to form on my lips as he said this. Maybe he didn't mean to say that but I clung to his every word. I know he wasn't much for hugs but I couldn't help wrapping my arms around the father of my children silently thanking him. For the first time in a long time I felt hope for my present and for my future. I felt like I could thrive if I allowed myself to, and I felt like I actually had someone here for me. As odd as it sounds Tom Riddle had actually been my friend all along, and though temperamental and unstable only he knew the truth about where I came from, and he would remain my only confidante throughout this journey. From that day forward I accepted my new life and began to try and search for happiness in a place that had once seemed so dark. I was no longer alone. I had Tom Riddle.