Sins Of The Mother (TRLS)

Chapter 15

I stroked Scarlett's curly hair as the twins slept beside me. I can't believe they're already 2 years old. In a few months it will be three years since my life was turned upside down when I was sent here to this time. The things I had once thought were so important are so far from me now. I want to say I wish I could go back in time and somehow stop this all from happening, but when I look at the twin's sleeping faces I can't imagine life without them anymore. This time wasn't made for someone like me. I'd like nothing more than to get my children and take them back to my own time. I began to think about how I got here in the first place. Unfortunately I had misplaced the time turner a long time ago. One day it was there and then it was as if it vanished into thin air. Maybe it was charmed to do that so I had no escape.

I stood in front of the pool that was illuminated by the moonlight and closed my eyes. I tried to take a deep breath and fight the loneliness from setting in. The voices in my head are so loud I need to drown them out. Maybe I needed a more literal approach. I opened my eyes and slipped off my robe and jumped into the water. I swam to the bottom and opened my eyes watching as the reflection of the moonlight made the ripples dance around. I began to swim under water till my lungs couldn't take it anymore. I finally surfaced and took a deep breath. Looking up at the moon I tried to deliver my stress to the universe. I wish I had a normal life. Once again I dove under water and swam. I extended my arms to swim forward, but I felt something strange underwater. I opened my eyes and screamed as I saw a huge snake swimming besides me. I flailed my arms around trying to surface, but it's like I couldn't move upwards. Water entered my lungs when I screamed in horror. The snake slithered around me under water and opened it's mouth exposing its fangs like it was about to lunge at me. I tried to swim away, but I was stuck under this invisible barrier. I kept struggling to get away from it but it was fast and demonic with it's movements. I saw it begin to lunge and I braced myself for the pain but it's like the barrier disappeared and I was able to swim to the surface. I quickly swam to the edge and pulled my self up gasping for air. I dragged myself further from the pool afraid the snake would resurface but it never did. The pool was completely transparent, and there was nothing inside especially a giant snake. I held my head in my hands feeling like I'm going insane. "I'm going crazy," I whispered as I caught my breath. Someone's playing tricks with my mind. All I could think of was Tom was trying to scare me. "Come out you selfish bastard!" I screamed. I looked around for any sign of him, but it's almost like I imagined the whole thing. "I hate you!" I shrieked at the moon as I pulled at my hair. I quickly made my way inside and locked the door. My neighbors probably think I'm insane. There's no way that was all in my mind. It can't be.
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The next day all I could think about were the frightening eyes of the gigantic snake in my pool. I'll probably have a fear of water for the rest of my life. "Mama!" Scarlett exclaimed, reaching her arms up for me to hold her. I smiled, picked her up, and went to sit on the sofa. "Your hair's a mess little one," I laughed, roughing up her curls. I laid down and placed her on my chest remembering when she was just a little newborn baby. Part of me wonders if I'll ever hold a newborn baby of mine again. A knock at the door delivered me from my thoughts. Hermelda went to answer it to expose Jimmy with a bouquet of Roses. I rolled my eyes as he rushed forward as soon as he saw me.

"Roslyn I'm so sorry," he said, kneeling down in front of me from my seat on the couch. "You should leave," I said looking away from him. "I had no intentions of making you upset. You know I'd never do that to you purposely," he said grabbing for my hand. "Jimmy you should've left the idea alone as soon as I said no. Didn't your mother ever teach you no means no?" I said swiping my hand away from him. "Dada!"Scarlett suddenly screamed excitedly reaching her arms out to him. For all the times I tried to get her to call Tom Dada she decides to do this to me. The betrayal in this room is unmatched. Jimmy smiled at her and took her into his arms placing the roses beside me. "She'd call anyone that," I said dismissively. "Roslyn I am really sorry for offending you yesterday. I guess I have difficulty holding back my emotions," he said sadly. "I just wish you'd consider it," he said. "Jimmy," I said in a threatening voice. "I know, I know, I'm not talking about marriage but hear me out. Go out with me tonight. Just one night," he said to which I shook my head, absolutely not. "And if you feel absolutely nothing for me I'll leave the idea alone you have my word. You have nothing to loose," he said to which I crossed my arms in aggression. "No Jimmy," I said. "Roslyn please," he begged. "Do me this small favor. Have I done anything to make you not trust me?" He asked making me give it a second thought. "Ugh Jimmy you're so persistent!" I said incredulously. "Only when I want something," he said with a small smile. "Go dancing with me tonight," he added to which I sighed. "Look this is what we'll do I'll leave and I'll be back at 7 sharp if you answer the door I promise you the best night of your life, and if you don't then I'll leave and we'll lever speak of this again." He said. "Jimmy I-" he interrupted me. "Don't say anything. Tonight will be all I need for any sort of confirmation," he said before putting Scarlett on my lap and walking towards the door as I sat there wordlessly. "I do hope to see you tonight," he said looking back once more before leaving.
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Jimmy has been a dear friend to me, that much is true. However if we're being honest there's a lot of things holding me back from the thought of being romantic with him. As hard as it is to admit number one is Tom. Whether I think he'll ever come back or not hadn't really occurred to me. I guess I always considered myself off limits. I just can't seem to picture my life without Jimmy. Maybe I just don't want to. He was there for me when I had no one. He saved me from myself, and for that I'll always be grateful to him. My children feel safe around him and in truth so do I. Hell even my dog loves him. He has been a big part of my life after Tom Riddle. In a lot of ways he helped fix me. One very sobering fact is.... I wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for him. For that reason, and that reason alone I dressed myself up for tonight.

I had never considered Jimmy romantically and in truth I feel like I'm doing something very wrong if I do. I guess I was more afraid than angry with him for the things he said yesterday. I guess I was afraid I'd start to fall in love with him. Once you fall for someone and give them your whole heart it's like they crush it in their hands once they leave. I guess I owe it to Jimmy to show him I'm not what he wants. Roslyn is a shell of her old self, she's far too complex for anyone to understand, including Jimmy.

Seven rolled around much too soon and in truth I'm quite nervous. The knock upon the door made my heart race. I walked into the room as Hermelda opened the door and saw Jimmy's smile illuminate the room. I felt nervous as he stared at me with excitement swimming in his bright blue eyes. "Do I look alright?" I asked nervously. "Yes, you look wonderful tonight." He said almost in a daze.

"Thank you." Maybe I'll try and go into this with an opened mind. All I know is I fear for anyone who associates with me. Maybe I care a little too much.