The one he never claimed. (Complete)

10.

We're still very much together. But I told him I needed a break.

Just to calm my head and my heart from everything. It took him a while but he finally accepted it. He said as long as I come back to him. Of course I will, I always will. I realize I'm a slave to his love.

It's not even just because he threatened to kill himself, but also because a life without him is a life I don't want to live. I can't even grasp the thought of him not being here anymore. I've had him in my life for so long that I don't want to picture a life where he's not there.

Him wanting to kill himself served as a reminder of how much I need him.

I do however hate what he did to make me stay but the thought of him not being alive any more is scary enough for me to.

The couple of days that we've been apart had me thinking too much of course. Like about the fact that he would rather kill himself than reveal to the world that he's with me. He would rather not be in this world if it meant all he had to do was tell people we're dating. Or simple, stop hiding me.

I'm aware that a public relationship won't be easy, I'm aware that the spotlight can be great until it's not, he never misses the opportunity to remind me that - but I'm sure it'll be a lot less difficult than how being private has been. It's not a secret that our relationship is going downhill, it has been for a while now. And we both know that it's because of the secrecy.

It's because we're in constant hiding. We can't talk about each other to the closest people in our lives nor can we go out like other couples. A relationship is not going to work if all we do is see each other in private spaces and we both know it.

He never mentioned anything about what would happen once we're back together and I'm guessing because not much will change. He'll still be ashamed of us, of me.

I haven't seen the girls too since the party. Liz blows up my phone on a daily but I don't answer because I don't know what to say to her. I hate that I can't completely open up to my best friend but I know she thinks I'm upset with what happened with Bruno - which I am. But it's a lot deeper than that.

I fear that once I start talking to her about the other night then I'll end up spilling everything else because of my uncontrollable emotions.

I switch on the TV after battling myself against doing so for a while. I can tell it's been a hard match so far by how everyone is sweating and anxious. It's the final game of the season so the pressure is on. I didn't want to watch the game because I'm afraid of what I'll do once I see him.

But when the camera stops on him, I feel my heart stop for a bit. I regret switching on the TV as I stare at his form in disbelief. My heart aches.

He's so thin. Not in a dramatic way but enough for anyone to notice. It wasn't that long ago since I last saw him so his appearance is beyond shocking to me.

I can also see the dark circles surrounding his eyes clearly from the sleepless nights I don't doubt he's been having. The camera doesn't stay long on him for the first time ever and I know it's because of how bad he's looking. The last thing they'd want to do is freak out the fans at home.

The match goes on for a while longer and,

They lose the game.

To everyone's utter shock.

This is the first game they'd ever lost since he got drafted on the team. I can't even imagine what he's going through right now, he doesn't take losses well.

I want to call him and check how he's doing, but I also still need to have my time off from him.

I don't care how bad our relationship is right now, I'll always want him to be ok.