The one he never claimed. (Complete)

37.

"Let's see. There was Leo, Martin, Dean, and Lorenzo

I went out with Lorenzo two times though, he was good company. Oh and Dean was cute, he got me a bracelet that I gave to Josh to give to his crush at school.

I still don't know how you'd feel about my telling you all this"

It's still very weird but I like to imagine this being the relationship I would've had with her if she was still alive. A relationship where I can tell her anything and everything, including who I've slept with.

She would cringe but still appreciate my openness.

"Oh and then there was Grant. He was a little bit, maybe a lot older than me but he really took care of me, for that week at least."
That was before I found out he was married with two kids, I'm not going to tell mom that.

"I'm slowing down a bit now. It was fun."
It really was.

For the past four years, I've not been 'falling in love' with other people but myself.

I'd realized that beyond the two people I was with, I had no other experiences of dating whatsoever.

Maybe I'd settled because I didn't know what was out there, but now I do.

I played around, I serial dated so much I couldn't keep track of the men. I maybe broke a few hearts while I was at it but it was never intentional.

I had my fun, and now?

"I'm ready to find the one."

And by ready I mean I'm just going to continue living my life and if I bump into 'him', great. And if not, I still have me.

But I think I'm definitely at a point where I need to start settling down. It doesn't help that everyone around me is at that stage right now.

I wouldn't necessarily call it pressure but it sure would be nice to have someone to wake up to every morning.

"Oh, Mickey and Liz are doing great."
Possibly one of the most shocking things to come out of the past few years was Liz and Mickey getting together.

They'd hid it from everyone for a while claiming they needed to figure out their feelings for each other first.

Their big reveal came when they'd told us they were expecting a little bundle of joy together, now they're married with two more kids.

My shock didn't at all come with disappointment, it came with the opposite of that. Mickey is incredible, Liz is too. For a while she had a type, and that didn't always work out for her, so I was happy to find out that this time around, she went for someone genuine and loving like Mickey.

My visits to mom's grave have significantly dropped. Not because I don't miss her anymore, but because things are a bit crazy for me at the moment.

Not even in a bad way, life is just getting a bit busy for me right now. I'd like to think mom would be proud of me and not disappointed.

My visits aren't planned anymore, they're spontaneous. Whenever I have a gap in between my crazy life, I make it a point to go and see mom.

"He got me a car."
I say this with a smile.

I've never been much into driving, I'd always been driven everywhere.

By dad, by Liz, and by Mary.

"You're tiring everyone."
He'd simply stated to me as I stared at the shiny, black G-wagon that had a big white ribbon on the bonnet.

I never really said I didn't want to drive, I think everyone just assumed. I just didn't care much for it. And if neither of my 'drivers' was around, I would Uber. It all worked out for me.

"I wish you could see it mom, it's beautiful."
I've now fallen in love with driving because of it.

"Oh and great news! Mary and dad officially adopted Josh."

It was a very long process that literally took years as Josh is now a disabled teenager. They'd let him stay at the house as the adoption process was still happening and now he's officially my little brother.

"He got him a prosthetic arm. It looks so real, Josh loves it."
Mom knows very well who he is so I never feel the need to even mention his name.

"I heard those are really pricey."
It meant the world to me what he did.

"It's taking him a bit of time but he's slowly learning how to use it."
I laugh a bit when I say this because my mind takes me back to how horrible his learning how to use it has been. Josh has never been much into gadgets though so I get it.

He goes to the house as much as he can to help him figure it out. I don't tell him enough how much I appreciate that, Josh does too.

"Work's been great."
It's been amazing. After my success with Josh, Jenifer started assigning me other patients. It wasn't easy but I pulled through.

Now?

"I work for the Phoenix Social Work & Child Protection."
It's one of the best in the country.

"Jenifer pulled some strings for me."
And by 'pulled some strings' I mean countless of sleepless nights, trying to properly handle about 5 patients at a time.

I know she was hard on me because she believed in me.

A lot of people seem to, for the first time ever. Even him.

He never misses a chance to tell me how proud he is of me. I smile at that.

"I finally moved out. You'd be so proud mom."
It's nothing fancy but I love it because it's all mine.

I worked really hard and it's finally starting to pay off.

"I'm hoping my next visit will be to introduce you to my future husband, wherever he is." I chuckle a bit at that.
Again, this is not at all to put pressure on myself. I just... I'm not getting any younger.

"Dad and Mary are such a good example of what I want in a partner."
I hope it's not creepy that I want someone as caring as dad.

After their beautiful destination wedding, they'd gone on a month-long honeymoon.

I'd never looked at it this way but they'd both had a tragic love story that left them completely broken for years, but finding each other was their saving grace because they're now as happy as can be.

Who knows? Maybe my saving grace is also somewhere waiting for me. Or not. I'll be ok either way.