I'm in Love with a Stripper (Oumasai Fanfic)

Bachelor Party

" Ummmmmm... Ooh! Are you like super strong?!"

" I have the strength of a strong senior citizen."

" Can you fly."

" No."

" Can shoot laser out your eyes?"

" No."

" Can you turn into a car like transformer?"

" No."

" Then what good are you anyways lightbulb?! Who makes a robot that can't fucking fly?! It's idiotic!! You are the equivalent to a broken dishwasher! Useless, not doing anything and taking up space! Tell me keyboard what can you do?!"

" I have a video recording function as well a camera function."

" Oh so you're a glorified camera with legs?"

" T-that's robophobic!"

" Now tell me... Do you have a vibrating setting...?"

" Yes..."

I saw a mischievous smile slowly appear on Kokichi's face, I can tell by that smile I knew exactly what he was thinking.

" Is that right...? Hm? Maybe you're not as useless as I thought... In fact I think I could have a lot of fun with you..."

" But I can't! I'm a loyal husband!"

He got off of Kiibo and sat back on my lap.

" So are we gonna do something or are we gonna sit around and get drunk? I mean I'm all for it but like c'mon!"

" Nope! Which is why I got these!"

Kaito then pulled out a bunch of knives.

" Did you take these from Maki?"

" No I didn't take em!"

" Did you ask her?"

" Yeah."

" And what did she say?"

"... She said no..."

" So you did take them."

" No no no no no no. I asked her and at first she kept saying no until I persuaded her."

" What did you do?"

" I told her that I would get her 2 family size bags of nacho cheese Doritos everyday for the next 3 weeks."

" And besides she's not using them. It's kinda hard for her to sneak around when she's 7 months pregnant with twins."

" But then again her being pregnant might make for a cover. No one would ever suspect a pregnant chick to assassinate someone."

" Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait!! What?! Harukawa-Chan is an assassin?!"

" Oh right you didn't know. Yeah she's an assassin."

" That's soooooooooooooo badass!!! Now I know why you're so scared to cheat on her!! You're scared shitless of her!"

" I'm not scared of her!"

" I dunno... A girl like that I'd make sure to keep her very happy. If I were you I'd make sure to not piss her off or you might wake up without a dick."

" Wait so all those times she threatened to slit my throat with a rusty knife if I didn't stop talking about sex..."

" Yeah she prolly meant that."

" Now backup what did you mean by twins?"

" I didn't tell you? I thought I did. Maki's gonna have twins. Isn't that awesome!"

" I guess. How does she feel about this?"

" She's really happy, she just kinda shows it silently."

" Do you know the genders?"

" A boy and a girl."

" I really am happy for you both."

" Shuuichiiiiiii! When are we gonna have a baby?!"

" We will I promise."

I told Kokichi that will talk more about this after we get back from our honeymoon.

" Kaito what do you plan to do with these knives?"

Without saying anything he took one of them and threw it at the dartboard. I feel like this is probably a bad idea to do while drunk. Kaito is prone to doing really stupid things when he's drunk. He once walked outside in the cold while it was snowing in nothing but his underwear, why he did that I still don't know, another time he punched clear through six walls before completely blacking out.

" While I would love to continue doin' this with y'all I gotta get home and get my beauty sleep. I can't show up with a hangover to my own wedding."

" Well then I'll go with."

" NO! I mean this your bachelor party, I want you to enjoy it! That and it's bad luck to sleep with your fiancé the night before the wedding."

" Are you sure you'll be alright."

" Yes baby I'll be fine. Your sister is gonna stay with me. And if you wanna get stripper... I'll let you and I'll try not to get jealous."

He walked over to me and gave me a kiss.

" I'll see you tomorrow alright. I love you."

" I love you too."

Then he left.

" Well now that he's fine with it. Time to get a real stripper!"

I still feel really bad about that even if Kokichi is fine with it.