unconventional

Rock Bottom?

Falling back onto the bed, Dianna erupted into a puddle of giggles. I look over with furrowed eyebrows, and sit up on my elbow looking down at the woman.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Just everything." I shake my head falling back onto the bed and looking over at the clock. How was it already 3 in the morning? She leans her head on my shoulder and cuddles close into my side. "It's crazy how life works, huh?"

"Sure is, kid." I press a kiss to the top of her head.

"I want milk." She says suddenly getting up and out of bed.

"Excuse me?"

"Milk, I want milk. Let's go." She grabs my hand and pulls my half naked body out from the covers.

"You have no shirt on."

"Who says you need a shirt to drink milk?"

"Well...I don't know!" She just laughs as we walk further down the stairs. The faint sound of the doorbell gets my attention.

"Is that the doorbell?"

"Sure, as hell sounds like it."

"Well you go get that, and if you need help just scream."

"Gee thanks." She smacks my butt as I walk away, laughing to herself. Peeping through the door hole, I nearly lose my breath. "You've got to be shitting me."

I slowly open the door to reveal a rather frazzled looking Sarah, standing in my doorway. She looks up at me, a small pleading smile on her face.

"Sarah. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, i'm uh fine." She wipes her eyes, looking between me and the ground. "I just needed to see you."

"About?"

"Just- how are you?"

"You're knocking on my door at three in the morning to ask how I am?" She scratches her head, laughing slightly.

"Yeah, I probably look crazy. But listen-"

"Are you dead yet?" Dianna yells from the kitchen, cutting Sarah off mid sentence. A look flashes over her face, as I see a certain twinkle leave her eyes.

"I'm all good, Di." I call back, my eyes never leaving Sarah's.

"So, the rumors are true." She says nodding, backing away slowly. "Just uh, forget I came. I'll see you around." And just like that she got in her car, driving off into the night.

I stand in the doorway of my house, a cold breeze blowing through my bones. I wanted her to stay, I wanted her to stay so we could talk and make up, I wanted her to say she broke up with Holland and we could finally be together, but she didn't.

She left.

And that's okay, it's okay, everything is okay.

I'm fine, it's fine, everything is fine.

I repeat these words to myself for the rest of the night, so loud that they drown out any other thoughts that tried to form.

Dianna leaves early that next morning, flying to New York for some premier she was invited to. And I spent the day on the couch, crying over an obscene amount of ice cream, and letting myself sit in that feeling of absolute heartbreak and helplessness for a while.

Until Lily called, and interupted by fourth consecutive viewing of Dirty Dancing.

"Hello." I say, trying my hardest to make my voice sound normal as I choke back sobs.

"He- What's wrong?"

"Nothing, i'm fine." I say, obviously not sounding fine in the slightest. "What's up with you?"

"Do you need me to come over?"

"No i'm fine, everything is fine."

_________________________________

"I'm not fine!" I sob out, as Lily rubs my back slowly, sitting closely next to me on the couch. "Everything is horrible, and Sarah has a girlfriend. Why does she have a girlfriend, Lily? Why?"

"I don't know, I don't know why she has a girlfriend, Scout. It's absolutely horrible."

"I know!" My head falls onto her shoulder as she holds me close. "I still love her, but I don't want to."

"I know, I know you don't." I close my eyes, hoping the tears would stop, but they didn't. Lily sat us back on the couch, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back softly. "It's a horrible, unfair world, Scout."

"Is this rock bottom?"

"No, you're about three more viewings of Dirty Dancing away from rock bottom, my dear."

_________________________________

I finally stopped crying a while later, and Dakota decided to come stop by. She was always good when I was sad, and honestly was one of the only people who could actually make me feel better.

Like truly make me feel better.

Not just "feel better" until the person would leave me alone so I could go cry in peace.

But Dakota actually made me feel better, and i'm thankful for her everyday.

"What are you gonna do, bud?" Dakota asks, her hand on my knee softly, smiling over at me.

"Just be sad forever I guess."

"Unfortunately, that's not an option." I sigh and let my head fall to her shoulder, she just laughs and presses a kiss my head. "You gotta cut things off with Di, and you gotta go talk to Sarah."

"Woah, woah, woah, I cannot talk to, Sarah."

"You have to, otherwise you're gonna drive yourself crazy." Lily says from the other side of me, with hand on my shoulder.

"Ugh, fine. But I am not happy about it." Dakota just laughs and Lily simply shakes her head. "I don't even know how to go about starting a conversation with her."

"Text her, she'll answer in a heartbeat." Lily says, handing me my phone, sitting up from my spot the two of them peer over my shoulder as I start my message.

_________________________________

Me
Hey, do you think we could talk?

Sarah Paulson
Sure, I think that
will be good.

Sarah Paulson
When do you want
to meet up?

Me
I'm free tomorrow around
lunch time

Sarah Paulson
Cool, i'll see you
there