unconventional

"Sarah!" Lily says, throwing her arms around the woman and pulling her in for a hug. "It's so good to see you."

"You too, birthday girl!" She looks past Lily and straight to me, the smile never leaving her face. "Is this gonna be awkward?"

"No, of course not. We're not awkward unless we want to be." I say happily, pulling her in for a quick hug as well. She squeezes me back, tightly. "It's great to see you, you look good."

"I look good? Are you kidding? Look at you!" She pulls away, the same way Jessica did before and looked at me up and down. I honestly didn't think I changed that much but I guess when you don't see me for a year you notice the little things.

"Oh, stop it." We keep eye contact, her hands still on my shoulders.

"Should I leave or...?" Lily interupts, snapping me out of the supercut I was just drowning in. Sarah's hands drop from my shoulders, the three of us share a laugh.

"No, no I have to get the quiche out of the oven so i'll go. It's great to see you." I say with a smile my hand finding her forearm as I walk away from them.

Feeling my back gradually get sweatier and an eruption of butterflies spread in my stomach, I forgot how much I just loved looking at her.

Her eyes, her smile, her laugh.

It's so easy to say you're over someone when you haven't seen them in a year. But seeing Sarah again felt like the first time, it felt like a new start.

Walking towards the oven, I pull the door open and see the little egg dishes are perfectly brown. I smile to myself proudly and reach behind me for the oven mitts.

"Did you see her yet?" Dakota asks, appearing from virtually nowhere. I jump a little at the sound of her voice.

"Yes, Dakota."

"Listen, don't be mad at us for a decision you made."

"I'm not mad!" I protest a little louder than I expected because all the eyes in the kitchen shot over to our direction, even Sarah's. With a sly smile I turn my back to the people, grabbing Dakotas arm and dragging her out the side door. "I'm not mad."

"Really? Cause you just yelled at me." She laughs slightly, my expression remains cold and that's when her tone changed. "What's the matter, babe?"

"I - I just, I don't know."

"You miss her and you want her back but you don't want to feel like an idiot for going back to someone who you haven't been with for over a year just because you're seeing them for the first time again?"

Yep, that was pretty much all of it.

I just nod, solemnly looking at the ground. "I don't know if I trust her still, I don't know if I trust her not to hurt me."

A beat of silence passes.

"Fuck it." My eyes shoot up to hers.

"Huh?"

"Fuck it, if she hurts you we'll deal with it then. But you need to stop being so afraid of being hurt, Scout. Because that woman in there loves the fuck out of you, and you love her back just the same." She puts her arms on my shoulders. "It's time to live your life, babe and stop being so afraid of everything. Be spontaneous."

She was right. Obviously she was right.

I had been letting fear control my decisions for far too long. I want to be with Sarah, and right now, that's the only thing that matters.
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