My heart beats for you (EN) | JiKook [completed]

Chapter 6

A week passed. Not once he left his room. His mother placed some food in front of his door, but he touched it only barely. Every now and then he forced himself to eat a tiny bit, but he could not swallow it.

He was sick of it.

He just felt empty.

The only thing that could help him was to follow Jimin. For hours he looked at the blade in his hand. It was sharp enough to bore through his skin and slash his veins.

He addressed.

The cold blade touched his warm skin.

Just one more step and it would have happened.

"Jungkook! You have a guest!"

A guest?

He did not want to stand up, still sat down.

"It is Jimin's grandma."

He opened his eyes widely. What does she want from him? Blamed him for Jimin's death?

"Jungkook, it is urgent!"

With weak legs he stood up, walked down and looked into the face of the grandma. She looked older than she actually was. His face was surrounded by sad wrinkles, but she smiled. Why did she smile? And what did she have in her hand?

"Jungkook. All of this is for you. Jimin told me to give it to you. Please accept it."

Jungkook reached out to the package, took it and looked into the dull eyes of the grandma. She turned and walked away. The dark-haired boy walked back into his room and sat down on the floor, still holding the package. With shaky hands he opened it. He wanted to cry again, but his tears were dry, he cried enough.

He reached into the box and grabbed Jimin's todo list which was written on a notepad. He already knew it and smiled sadly.

The next thing he grabbed was another blue notepad with stars drew on it. He opened it.

I asked him today if he wants to be friends with me. He nodded his head and we understand very well. I wanted to tell him that he is pretty, but if I would do, then he might not want to be friends with me. My heartbeat raised when I saw him. My doctor told me to take care of my heartbeat. But I love this feeling when I am with him. I hope we will have a lot of happy days together in the future.

December 13th, 2012, Park Jimin

Jungkook turned to the next page. Every page felt like stitches right into his heart.

He really did it. Today he told me that he fell in love with me. How long I have been waiting for this. Sometimes I think I should do the same: Tell him that I also fell in love with him. Tell him, how much I love him. That I am scared. That I do not want to die. But I do not want him to be sad, that he feels sorry for me. I want to enjoy everything with him. He is the only motivation that keeps me going, that brings me to hold on onto my life. I do not want to let it go. Dear god, please. I want to live for him. Live with him.

February 13th, 2019, Park Jimin

Jungkook could not go on. He cried so much. His tears fell down his face onto the current page. He turned another page and found a lot of sad quotes and poems.

You know that I can't
Show you me
Give you me
I can't show you a run-down part of myself
I wear a mask again and go to see you
But I still want you

Bloomed in a garden of loneliness
A flower that resembles you
I wanted to give it to you
After I take off this foolish mask

But I know
I can never do that
I must hide
Because I am ugly

I am afraid
I am run-down
I'm so afraid
That you will leave me again in the end
I wear a mask again and go to see you

What I can do is
In the garden
In this world
I bloom a pretty flower that looks like you
And breathe as the me that you know
But I still want you

Because I love you.

I love you, Jungkook

April 14th, 2019, Park Jimin

Jungkook closed the book, he could not deal with it anymore. His heart got broken into thousands of pieces. Again, he looked into the package and found Jimin's photo album. There were only photos of the past seven years they spent together with. Jungkook smiled. How happy he looked like on these photos. How much he missed him. On the last page there was a silver ring Jungkook gave him on their trip to celebrate their three-month relationship. He took it out and looked at it.

You're my sun, I'm your moon. ~ PJJJK

Jungkook also laid the ring away sadly. There were all the gifts Jimin got from Jungkook inside the box. Also, the blue blankie. Jungkook took it out and cuddle on it. It smelled like him.

But what was more exciting than the blankie was the letter that fell off it. His name was written on it. With shaky hands he opened it and started reading.

Hi Jungkook,

It is really strange to write you such a letter while you are laying next to me sleeping. You know, I am really happy that we managed to get closer to each other. I really love you so much, it is indescribable. I did not tell you anything about my disease. I just wanted to enjoy the time with you as long as possible. But I recognized that my end is near.

When I was 13, they told me I have a coronary heart disease. I did not know what this was, but I was really scared about it. It is lethal and could not be healed, but you could live as long as anybody else, but only if you quit having fun, and eating delicious food like Fast Food and sweets. You called this a kink and strange taste. I think that was really cute of you. I wish I could have spent my life with you until the end. I never had so much fun like with you, Jungkook.

I do not want you to forget it. Please do not forget that I love you. Unfortunately, I could not finish my todo list. One of us has to do it when I am not around anymore. Please live for me. I cannot do it anymore. My heart flags.

It only beat for you.

Only for us.

Jungkook, please take care of my grandma. She is really old and always says she does not need help, but this is not true.

Live for me, relish everything the life gives you. I could not do it. Live for the both of us. Please do not forget that I will be with you all the time. In your heart that beats for us.

I love you. Thank you for everything. ♥

He sobbed. The letter fell off his hands and he pulled his knees close to his body and placed his head on top of them. He did not know for how long he sat like this. He looked to the outside, up to the stars and swipes at his red eyes.

Jimin, I will live. For you. For us. I love you.

Tonight, the sky was full of stars, there was one single shooting star that paved its way through the sky. Where did it want to go to? The cold air stalked against the window and left a sad tone. Did it cry with him?

Jungkook stood up, opened the window and breathed in the cold air.

I am crying at this
Disappeared
Fallen
Sandcastle that's left alone
Looking at the broken mask
And I still want you

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