Like the first time I saw you

Chapter 10

Jo's POV:
I can't believe I just asked Hero to be friends.

Maybe I was wrong...but how can I explain that I need him to be in my life without looking weak? How should I ask him to stay in my life without feeling miserable? Should I tell Jack?

No, that's not a good idea.

I know he wouldn't be angry, it's not for him. I just don't want to doubt my feeling for him.
Meeting him, seven months ago, made me feel okay, after so long.
I don't feel that fire inside or that fear of moving away from him like when I was with Hero. But I don't even feel the anxiety torture me day after day.

Being friends with Hero, instead, will allow me to not feel the need for him and not even the pressure of being in a relationship with him.

Well, maybe this was a nice idea after all.

I enter the pub once again. Tonight was everything but fun. I think I can't be like normal people.

I like crazy things, I'm a crazy thing.

But I don't like going out at night and drinking with friends, because this is also monotony.
"Hey Josephine! Where were you? I couldn't find you anywhere." Sophia yells, the music is even higher than before. Or maybe it's me who got used to hero's silence, outside.
I turn and say vague: "I met a friend outside."
"Nice! I'm going to dance now. You wanna come with with me?"
"Oh, no sorry. I guess I'm going to get going now."
"Already?"
"Yeah, I have a headache, and also I don't want jack to get bored too much at home"

Yes, I lied to Hero. He isn't studying, but I preferred to spend the evening only with Sophia. I spent every day with him and I also need something else.

It's a bad thing to say, my mind reminds me.
Am I a bad person?

"It's okay, don't worry. Goodnight." she smiles and hugs me.
"Goodnight ." I say, and go back home.

***

I open the door of the apartment and I see Jack waiting for me on the couch, watching tv.

"Hey, honey. How did the evening go?"
"It was okay."
"I missed you, honey." He says and kisses me. A kiss without any emotions.
"What were you watching?" I say, as I lay next to him.
"A documentary on whales. Millions die per year. Don't you think this world is going to pieces? I feel so guilty, like a human being, because of all this. Don't you think the same?"

I feel guilty too because I'm thinking about Hero and the way he would never watch a documentary about whales dying. If I were with him now, we would've watched a long movie like we always did. The only problem is that I'm not with him.
"Yeah, I agree."