Like the first time I saw you

Chapter 8

Jo's POV:
I don't really want Hero to leave. I miss spending time with him, we'll just talk.

"Follow me." I take a hold of the sleeve of his leather jacket. He seems confused, perhaps I also would be if my drunken ex would behave like this with me.

We go out and sit on the sidewalk near the pub entrance.
At first none of us speaks but alcohol makes me braver so I decide to break the ice.
"How are you?" I start with a simple question.
"You've already asked me that, don't you remember?"
"I mean...how are you for real?" he looks shocked, even if I asked just that.
"I'm okay." He looks away elsewhere.

Here we are.

"I know you. I can see it when your eyes are sad." I pose my hand on his shoulder and look at him. And Hero trembles to that contact.
"My eyes are sad from nine months, you're very curious huh?"
I immediately remove my hand from his shoulder and stare low.
"So it's my fault?" I murmur. He doesn't answer.
"I tried to be strong but I couldn't if I was with you. I couldn't handle everything alone. Everything was born by mistake...and then there was the pressure from everyone, I..." I try to explain but he interrupts me.
"Just stop, please." He begs me.
"Talk to me!"
"I can't, because I would say something that I don't want to say." He almost whispers.
"I'm here now...talk to me." I take his hand and confuse him more and more.

What am I doing?

"Do you know how much I suffered because of you? We could've done it. Even to have a distance relationship, because I loved you. And maybe you loved me too, but I'm not sure if you do because I see you acting so indifferently. There was no need for you to be strong, because being in love also means being weak."
"Indifferently? Are you fucking kidding me?" I raise my voice.
"Yeah, you are being so quiet, getting drunk, going out in the evening, continuing your life as if nothing has happened. I almost can't even sleep. I can't go to a set of a movie without thinking about you, working without having you in my fucking mind!" he stands up, angry.
"You know I loved you. Everyone suffers but each of us reacts to pain differently." he looks at me astonished.

He clearly wasn't expecting those words. Not even the sober version of myself would've expected that.

It's weird how many times we think about things and keep them inside because of fear.

"Yet it seems that you forgot everything, while I'm still here waiting for you to give me a second chance, like a dumbass."
"I couldn't give you a second chance..."
"Why not?"
He approaches me and I conduce my hands on his soft cheeks.
I enjoy his scent and the closeness of his lips. He breathes strong, almost framed. We are too close to each other.
But all of this is so wrong.