the beautiful and damned - h.s.

five

"like if you hold me without hurting me,
you'll be the first who did"
- cinnamon girl, lana del rey

𝐉𝐎𝐘𝐂𝐄 𝐑𝐎𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐒

I lost count at how long I had been sitting on my kitchen floor.

Why?

That was the only thing on my mind.

Why? I thought we had a good relationship. Elliot practically seemed like my dream guy when I met him back when we were both in uni. Him being a senior and me being a freshman, I thought I was so lucky that someone like him was even giving me the time of day.

Elliot was very charming. I think that was what drew me to him. It was what drew anyone to him, really. He just had this way of making anyone feel special. He made me feel special for the first time in my life.

I didn't know what changed but as quickly as I fell for him, suddenly he turned into a completely different person.

For three years, I put up with his name-calling and constant jealousy. There was a point where he would get mad and refused to let me see Alex, even though he was dating Nellie. I let him walk all over me for so long because there was a part of me that hoped the Elliot I first fell in love with was still somewhere inside of him.

But I knew now that that wasn't going to be the case. It never was. I was just blinded by the idea of what I thought was love and now look where it got me.

My dad always told me, "Wherever there's a storm, the sun is close by"

I had trouble believing that now. Nothing good was ever going to come from Elliot. If I wasn't scared before, I was most definitely scared now. Not only for my safety but the guy across from my apartments as well.

It was the same guy who flat-out refused to share the elevator with me. The one who had been nothing but rude to me during every single small interaction we have had.

Shocked would be an understatement for how I felt when I saw him standing there. Part of me expected him to just pretend he never saw anything but when he did the opposite, words will never describe how thankful I was for him at that moment. Even though our interactions were anything less than pleasant, I was glad he was there.

Although, something that kept coming back to mind was the words Elliot said to him as he left.

"You don't know who you're messing with"

It left an unsettling pit at the bottom of my stomach.

I hoped for the stranger's sake, he didn't find out either. Even after three years, I wouldn't put anything past Elliot because there's no doubt that he could be capable of anything.

I felt guilty that he even had to be involved. He shouldn't be, Elliot was nobody's problem but my own.

After reluctantly listening to the guy, who I still had no idea what his name was, I locked my door and sat on my kitchen floor.

There was something weirdly comforting about sitting down somewhere unconventional. Meela had joined me soon after I collapsed onto the ground, purring as she sat on my lap probably sensing my bad mood.