Breathing

Chapter 26:

Jessa was completely out when I put her in the car and drove home. The whole time my mind was spinning and I was practicing what I would say to him when I saw him. I probably looked like a lunatic talking to myself. If anyone saw me, they would probably call the cops on me.

I pulled into the driveway and sighed when Ezra stood up from my porch steps and ran over to my car. He looked irate and was about to slam his hand against the door when he looked in the back and saw Jessa sleeping peacefully.

He furiously mouthed "get out of the car" at me. I looked back at the sleeping girl to make sure we were not being watched. There was a chance he would snap and if he hurt me, I didn't want her to see it.

I opened the door and climbed out. He slammed it behind me. I glanced back and saw Jessa jump, but she did not wake up.

"Please, don't wake her up." I pleaded, staring back at him.

"What the fuck, Riley?" Ezra lowered his voice, letting the darkness inside seep out. He was beyond angry with me for telling him he couldn't see her anymore.

"You should tell me, what was so important you stood her up yesterday?" I placed my hands on my hips.

"What are you talking about?" He questioned, raising both of his eyebrows in confusion.

"You sent me a text at work the other night and said you wanted to see her at the park." I grew even angrier as I had to relive the memory of the little girl crying for him.

"What text?" He stiffened

"You said to meet you at one. We were there. You never showed up. We waited and she cried for you. I tried calling you and you never answered." I screamed at him. My hands flew off my hips and I moved my hands for emphasis.

"Riley, I had to work long hours at the studio all this week. I would never have texted you to meet me." He ran his hands over his face.

"Who did then, Ezra? Because the messages came from your phone." I pulled out my phone and showed him the conversation from the other night. He grabbed my phone from me and scrolled through the messages. He handed the phone back to me and shook his head in disbelief.

His body began to tighten and he clenched his fists at his sides. He looked like he was ready to hit something but was holding himself back.  I had been the one on the receiving end of his anger so many times that I knew he was ready to explode.

"Fucking bitch." He growled so quietly that I could barely hear him.

"Excuse me?" I said back to him. "What did you just call me?" 

"Not you, Jenna. She had my phone the other night. I thought she was just trying to find out if there was something going on between us. We got in a fight about me staying at your house so long the other day and she stormed off. She still had my phone in her hand when she left." He said, trying to piece it all together.

"Are you trying to say she stole your phone and sent the message?"  I asked, unable to believe it.  He had to be lying to try to cover up his mistake.

"She told you to bring Jessa to meet me so you wouldn't want to talk to me again. I told her about you saying if I stood Jessa up, it was over." Ezra's arms were flying in his anger.  I flinched when they came close to me.  He didn't do it on purpose, but it seemed to bring him back down when he saw the tiny movement.

"Why would she do that?"

That sounded so evil.  How could she hurt a little girl like that? Not just any little girl, but the little girl of the man she loved.  It was sadistic and twisted.

"She doesn't want you anywhere near me. She has been accusing me of sleeping with you again. I could have lost my daughter over this stunt she pulled." Ezra looked shocked and hurt.

"Why does she think that?"  I asked before thinking.  I really shouldn't have asked. Jenna's hang-ups were not really the point of his story.

"We were arguing that night after I came home from that disaster breakfast.  She was pissed at me because I went with you instead of her.  She called me a ton of terrible names and said I should leave so she could call her ex to come over to see how I liked it. I might have said some things back out of anger." He closed his eyes and I saw his face start to flush. 

"Ezra, what did you do?" I sighed, knowing from our brief history that he wasn't as innocent as he made it sound. Mr. Ezra Miller had terrible impulse control even now when he was still clean.  He could never keep himself in line when he was angry.

"I...I told her to go ahead. That's all." He stammered.  

"Really?" I lowered my eyes at him, he had lied to me before and I could smell his bullshit a mile away.

"Fuck." He groaned, pulling his hand over his face. "Promise me you won't get upset."

"What did you say to her?"

"I told her to go ahead and call him. I said I was going to leave her anyway." He was actively avoiding the whole story, still trying to hold out on me.

"And? How does that involve me? Just because you said you were going to leave her doesn't mean we are hooking up again."

"I might have told her I was going to come over here so I could spend the whole night watching you take my cock."

"You're a dumbass."  I crossed my arms over my chest, internally scolding him over the absurdity of that statement. There would be no taking of anything when it came to Ezra and me.  I had taken enough of him already to cover a lifetime.

Or so I told myself.

"I know.  You know I can't control it sometimes.  I just say whatever pops into my brain."  Ezra's face was blood red in embarrassment.

"That's not even an excuse." 

"I know.  I've been working on it, but I still mess up sometimes. It still doesn't justify what she did to you and Jessa."  He leaned back against my car and ran his hands through his hair, mussing it up even more.

"What are you going to do?" I moved next to him, fighting the urge to smooth the wild stands back down.

My anger towards Ezra had changed to sympathy. He may have messed up by saying things he didn't mean, but Jenna was way out of line bringing Jessa into this.

"I don't know. Tell me what to do." He turned and begged me for advice. "She's my fiancé. We are supposed to get married in a few months."

"I can't tell you what to do. You have to decide how you want to handle this. I just know I can't have Jessa be a pawn in any of the games." I said, placing my hand on his arm.

"That will never happen again." He promised me.

"I can't be one either."

"I know. I shouldn't have said that." He apologized again.

Ezra was shaking with anger and this time it wasn't directed at me. I understood, I was really angry at Jenna too.

"Can I stay here a while until Jessa wakes up so I can see her? I can't go home right now until I cool down. She'll be a good distraction."

"You can stay.  Would you mind carrying her up to my bed? I need to check on my Dad. I don't like leaving him alone too long." I said, patting his arm softly.

He stood up from against the car and looked back to Jessa.  He smiled when he saw her sleeping soundly in the backseat.

"I have to pinch myself every time I see her just to make sure I'm not dreaming." He exhaled a relieved breath as he studied every hair on her head to memorize it.

"I feel the same way." I smiled at him as he watched our little girl.