Bloodstained Lily

Chapter 12-The Emotional Hurts Too...

"If they were, I mean, if they were zombies or vampires, what would you do?"

Without a moment's hesitation he breathed, "I'd kill them."

That alarmed me more than anything else. He had always hated supernaturals and had always been unfriendly towards them but I never thought he would chase out that poisonous dream and turn his mind towards murder. Whether it was human, zombie or vampire, it was still murder.

"If they are zombies then their brains are too pathetic, weak and rotten to remember us and if they are vampires, who cares? They wouldn't remember what we look like anyway. Besides if there was some kind of war and they were pinned against us, I wouldn't know what they look like so I would shoot them without another thought."

I opened my mouth slightly, unable to let words escape it. I had no idea how to answer to it. In a way he was correct, if they had turned into zombies they wouldn't remember us and if they were vampires...well let's just say if they couldn't control their thirst then the heartbreak of killing us would be too much for them to bear. Still, even though I heard truth in his words, I couldn't help but feel a little offended and upset.

"Lilly..." Jordan started and I looked back towards him.

"If you ever see anyone you used to know as a zombie or a vampire, you can't let that hold you back. I think I'm strong in that sense since I haven't seen any other human at age two aside from you. Please, don't go trusting Harry and Zayn. I know you like Harry and I know Zayn was your saviour and believe me I'm grateful towards him for that, but they are just as beastly as those things that killed mum and dad and if you think any differently then I have seriously underestimated you."

I wanted to say something, to tell him I would never trust them more but I held back my words. I wouldn't trust them more. That much I knew. Still, I think I trusted them the same amount as I trusted Jordan. I trusted that they wouldn't hurt us, just as I trusted that Jordan wouldn't hurt them.

Was this really the hand that life dealt me, a brother with a hatred for our only two friends and two dead parents that could possibly kill us if they were in fact still alive? These reflections, these feelings were becoming too much to handle.

I felt multiple emotions and thoughts rolling around inside of my head and eventually I broke out into a sweat and I started shivering as I quickly sat up and clasped my hands into the ground below me. Something had set me going. Perhaps it was what Jordan said? Perhaps it was the recurring image of what happened to my parents? It could have been anything but this mixture of emotions made me lose it in some way.

I began panting and I started shaking like a leaf. Zayn and harry knelt beside in what felt like a matter of seconds but I didn't notice as the thoughts kept tearing their way deeper into my brain and making me even more unstable.

Zayn held Jordan back who was now screaming thinking I was dying or at least in a lot of physical pain and I was. I felt like my throat was slowly closing and I gasped for breath more and more. I was terrified, I had no idea what was happening to me until Harry stood up and looked back at Zayn worriedly.

"She's having a panic attack." He said hurriedly and it gave Zayn just enough weakness in his grip to let Jordan push himself out and run towards me, pulling me so close to him I could hear his heart beat.

It pounded against his chest quickly and loudly. He must have been so scared for me. Zayn and Harry could easily have healed me if it was a physical injury but something like a panic attack was far out of their range.

"Make it stop!" I screamed and I struggled in Jordan's hold.

He was holding me so tightly that I began to suffocate. I managed to push out of his grasp and I began running from him, from Zayn, from Harry, from everything though I knew all too well that you can't run from your problems.

I felt the world fly behind me as if it was in slow motion and I didn't want to seem weak to any of them. In a world as violent as this, I was probably as lucky as I could get, being protected and what not but I couldn't help but feel emotionally trapped as my body was unusually free.

I ran towards the gate and stopped just as I reached it, though my panic attack was far from over, I knew better than to make a stupid decision like leaving the safety of the fence.

I looked around and sank to my knees, crying a river out of my eyes as I did but I didn't flinch when I saw a figure walk towards me, blurred from the tears in my eyes. As it neared me, I relaxed a little when I saw it was Harry.

I shivered and shook as he picked me up and carried me into the hut and laid me on my bed. My panting became worse and his hand brushed against my chin, making me look up at him and as I did he put his finger against my lips to shush me.

"Take a deep breath." He said softly and I shook my head, looking down at the ground as I did.

"I can't, I can't." I repeated but he nodded his head.

"Yes you can, just try. Take a deep breath."

I did as he asked and he smiled before mouthing the words 'hold it' and so I did. After a few seconds, it all seemed to ease down and when the panting and shivering had stopped he grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into his chest for a hug.

I was still sweating and I probably looked disgusting but he had just helped me get through what seemed like a frightening moment. After that moment, I now had two saviours and though he didn't save me from a zombie attack, I still found myself wanting to thank him.