⇾𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃𝐒 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 | 𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐋𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧 𝐈𝐈𝐈

Chapter Eighty-Two: A Hard Thing, I Guess

I'm gonna watch the phantom planet sometime this week confirmed😭😭

June 26, 1967

"Donna, Donna, guess what?"

My eyes fluttered open early the next morning. John was kneeling on my side of the bed, staring at me imploringly.

"What?" I asked groggily.

"You're 32 weeks today!" he said excitedly. I knew what he was trying to do. We were taking Brian to the Priory Clinic and he was trying to get my mind off of it.

I frowned. "One week closer," I grumbled and closed my eyes.

I felt his hand touch my shoulder. "Donna, love, you've got to get up," he said gently.

I pulled the blankets stubbornly up and over my eyes when I felt myself choke up. For a moment, he fought with me to pull it back down. He won because my hand grew too weak to keep fighting him at some point. "I don't wanna leave him there all alone," I cried, putting my hands to my face.

"Oh, Donna," John said. It was clear that he was trying to keep himself from getting irritated at me. "You know this is what he needs."

"I know," I responded. "But I still feel guilty. You heard it from him, John. He's scared. I don't like that."

John climbed up onto the bed next to me and I moved my head so that it was resting in his lap. "God, I can't believe I'm acting like this," I said sadly. "I'm so sorry."

"Love, it's a hard thing," John told me, untangling bits of my hair with his hands. "It's okay."

"Aren't you upset?" I asked him.

"Why, of course, I'm not feeling the greatest. I just keep reminding myself that in the end this is all going to be good. So, so good."

"I hope you're right," I mumbled, talking a shaky breath to try and regain my composure.

"There's only one way you'll know," he told me.

"How so?"

"You've got to get up."

~~~

We went and got Brian from his house and took him to a diner down the road to eat breakfast.

For a while, none of us spoke.

I was eating my food in perhaps the slowest manner possible, either because I felt like puking or because I wanted to stretch this eating session out as long as possible.

"How you feeling, Bri?" John asked tentatively. I had noticed him getting fidgety next to me. Silence was perhaps the one thing that made him nervous.

"I'm feeling fine, thanks, John," Brian responded with a small smile in John's direction.

Suddenly, I put my fork down and the two of them turned their eyes on me as it clattered down against the plate.

"I'm full," I said.

"But, love, you've barely eaten anything," said John.

"Well, I'm full," I retaliated.

"Alright, then."

Another bout of silence.

"Dammit, someone say something," I said frustratedly, my head falling forward into my hands.

"I'm full too," Brian said quietly, pushing his plate forward. From the corner of my eye, I saw John do the same.

Well, that's not what I wanted.

"D-do you have an appointment today?" asked Brian to fill the tense silence in the air.

I nodded. "This afternoon."

"Well, how are you feeling?"

Like complete and utter shit, I thought as I brought my head up to look him in the eyes.

"I feel alright," I lied.

"That's good," Brian said with a smile. I could feel John's eyes on my. He knew I was lying.

Our waitress brought our check out and John took it so he could pay. I didn't even try to fight him today. I was in such a gloomy mood I couldn't bring myself to do anything. It was pathetic.

When John had paid, we all got up and went out the door so we could go to the car. When we'd all climbed in, we had already fallen back into silence.

John turned the radio up and I leaned my head against the cold glass of the window, watching the scenery around me tumble by gloomily.

In fifteen minutes flat, John pulled into the driveway of a large, white building that looked completely terrifying. He pulled into a parking spot and looked around at Brian and I. "Here we are."

~~~

Leaving Brian was just as hard as I figured it would be. John had to practically drag me out of there building again, telling me over and over again that he'd be able to leave with us whenever he wanted.

That was no consolation to me. As soon as we got back in the car, I began to cry again.

"John," I croaked when he didn't notice, leaning over the center console against him. "Fuck, I'm so damn dramatic. I just hate myself, oh, God." I put my hands to my face.

"Donna, Donna, hey...no...it's okay."

"I'm sorry, John. I'm being so dumb right now. I'm so sorry."

"No, stop apologizing," he said, putting his arms around me.

"It's all for the best," I said to convince myself. "I hope it gets better, John."

"Donna, Brian is a fighter. He won't give up until it's better."

"You promise?" I asked.

He nodded. "I promise."

I sat back up, rubbed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

"What time is your appointment, love?" he asked me, running his hands through my hair.

"At four," I said. "C-can we go get something to eat? I'm hungry now."

"Yes, we can," he said before putting the car into gear. "Whatever you want, I'll get it for you."

I thought about my options as we began to pull away.

"Honestly, I just really want chicken nuggets," I admitted. "And a lot of chips."

John laughed. "Well, I am perfectly alright with that," he responded.

I giggled. "Wherever you want to go is fine," I told him.

"Hey, Donna, guess what?" he asked me, looking both ways before pulling out onto the road.

"What?"

"I looove you," he said, turning at the last minute to give me a cheesy grin.

I broke into a wide smile. "I looove you too, John," I responded.