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I am suffocating on my own emotions

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I am suffocating on my own emotions. Choking on the feelings I hold back just to satisfy others. My brain may implode from all that it stores deep within itself, as I try to keep it all at bay. Things haven't ever been simple for me. They are always complicated, and scary. This suffocation didn't start six months ago, but it did amplify with the loss of Marley. I had no one to talk to after she died. No one was left to empty my brain out and allow it to breathe.

I had thought maybe Emma would be that. Sisters did things like that right? Well, I guess normal sisters do. She had proved to me that she was not as I expected, or perhaps she has always been this way and I never had the guts to acknowledge it. But now I am forced to. My mind has been on overdrive since yesterday. Me, Tyler, and Logan were leaving in two hours, and here we were eating lunch before we did. The tension was noticeable, but no one said anything about it. Tyler was the one to finally break the silence.

"So I have something I wanted to tell all of you." He was looking directly at me as he spoke. "Um, Izzy, Finn is going to come with us." He told me, almost cautiously.

"Oh." Was all I said, being completely caught off guard. It was his mom too I suppose but he hadn't known her. He didn't really have anything to mourn. But who was I to decide that? He had every right to be there just as much as I did, even if he hadn't known her.

Fin looked at me nervously. "Is that alright Izzy?" He asked. "Cause if it's not, then I understand, I mean I didn't know her and you did and this is pretty personal-"

"Fin it's fine." I said cutting off his nervous ramble. "You can come, I didn't mind." I wasn't sure I meant that, but like I said-Who was I to decide whether or not he got to mourn our mother? Fin sighed and gave me a small smile. "Thank you."

I nodded swiftly, not returning the smile. I caught Emma looking at me weirdly out of the corner of my eye. I was surprised she didn't want to go. She had expressed interest in learning about our Mom before and I expected her to jump at the opportunity to learn more. I think our brothers noticed the look she was giving me as well, because Logan looked between the two of us and sighed.

"Okay, what is going on with you two?" He asked. I shook my head and looked back at my food.  "Em? Everything okay with you?" Emma was happily eating her dinner, not looking the slightest bit upset.

"Hum?" She hummed looking up from her plate of pasta. I had been poking at mine for the last 15 minutes, my appetite nowhere to be found.

"I asked if everything was okay." Logan not so subtly nodded towards me, silently asking what my problem was.

"I'm okay." Emma shrugged looking at me. I couldn't help the quick glare I shot at her. She was either clueless or bitch. God I hope it was the former. I so badly wanted it to be the former.

"Izzy what's going on? Did something happen between you two?" Tyler asked, evidently seeing my side eyed glare.

Emma shook her head. "Not that I know of."

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