My Little Decoy

♪ Lost in All My Selfish Thoughts ♪ {6}

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I was perched by the front door of the apartment, hand poised on the doorknob uneasily. They were shaking both from anxiety and fear. What if Marco really was awake?

Shut up, dumbass. He's drunk. You know how he is.

Yes, I know exactly how he is! And that's not a good thing, Lacey.

Lacey, shut up.

No, you shut up!

Mentally slapping myself for falling into the hands of schizophrenia, I turned the knob and pushed it open quietly, cheering silently when the door didn't make a sound. I slipped through the small opening and took off my Converse quietly before turning to head up the hallway. But what sight I was met with scared me half to death.

Furniture was ripped apart so badly that the cushiony stuffing overflowed from the tears, making them seem like rabid dogs. The TV looked smashed in, the shards littering the ground, and the rug was rolled up and tossed to one side of the room. The kitchen was worse; the piles of bills and letters that were stacked precariously on the island before were now strewn all over the floor along with kitchen utensils and groceries. My eyes went wide and my exterior dissolved, as I took in the scene.

Marco was never this violent when he was drunk. Wait... where even was he? I stepped cautiously over the broken bits and pieces, making my way into the hallways were I gaped at the larges holes smashed into the beige walls. I stopped at my room where I heard the sound of even more crashing... and sobbing?

"Marco...." I whispered and instinct followed, causing me to open the door to reveal my step-father curled into a fetal position in the middle of the room, clutching my bottle of sleeping pills. My bed was still unmade from when the guys had kidnapped me, and the stupid idiots didn't even bother closing my window. But my angry thoughts flew away when Marco raised his red-rimmed eyes and saw me.

So many emotions flickered through those familiar brown eyes and I couldn't catch them all as they flew by like a movie. First it was surprise. Then relief. Then confusion. Until it finally landed on rage.

"Where have you been!?" He bellowed, screaming at me so loudly that the ceiling trembled a bit from the sound waves.

"Marco, I-"

"I thought you were dead!" He roared, his voice cracking on the last word. I frowned at him and shook my head, frantically hoping he saw the confusion in my eyes. "You! I walk in to kiss you goodnight, and all I see is your bed, the window wide open, and..." He let out a heart-wrenching sob before clutching the bottle in his hands so hard that it crumpled. "All I saw were these pills all over the room and I thought you did it. I thought you were just like your goddamn mother!" He screamed at me, taking large steps until I smelled his sour breath on my face. I cringed, tears welling in my eyes no matter how much I forced them away.

"Marco, I wouldn't do that, I swear. I didn't try to-" I tried reasoning but he got that look in his eyes as he glared at me, nostrils flaring. I knew that look. I knew that Marco was gone, and a monster had replaced him. His fist whipped so fast towards me that I didn't even register I was on the floor with an intense pain in my jaw until he was towering over me with those blank eyes. "Marco, stop." I ordered, trying to sound brave but he ignored me and kicked at my stomach, making me heave from the pain. When I didn't make a sound, he growled, and kicked me again... And again... And again, until I coughed, watching horrified as blood spattered against my pristine white carpet.

"M-Marco, please." I croaked out but he ignored me and bent down, grabbing the front of my shirt and literally pulling me to my feet, where I tried to steady myself but his fist connected with my jaw again and this time I cried out. It hurt so bad, the pain was everywhere. Red rimmed the corners of my eyes. Marco had never been this violent before, and I knew that what set him off was Mom. He thought I had tried to commit her crime too. But I wasn't her.

Next thing I knew, I was pounded against the wall so hard that my head spun from the connection. Marco was weeping now, his head on my shoulder as his own wracked with sobs. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He said, and I knew he wasn't apologizing to me. He was apologizing to my mom. "You are my greatest sin." Marco hissed to me and with one more punch to my gut, he threw me onto the floor and exited my room without so much as another glance at my broken form. All I could do was curl into a ball and let the tears from my pain mold into the carpet with my blood.

I was so, so stupid to have gone to that concert. I shouldn't have stayed as late as I did. I shouldn't have met Blake. I shouldn't.... I shouldn't.... But when a single thought ran through my mind, I curled up even more into myself, covering my face with shaking hands. It may have been stupid, yes, but it was worth it in the end. My head swam and I felt as if an epiphany just came out of nowhere and smacked me into a wall. Or was that Marco?

But honestly, I was just overlooking the entire thing and missing the big picture. It wasn't pathetic to pretend as if I was okay, it was pathetic to let Marco and my emotions take control of my life. It was pathetic to have to hide my true feelings between a mask of fake happiness and rainbows and unicorns and glitter shit. For once, I interacted with someone genuinely because I had decided to taste the freedom I yearned for. And it was great. It wasn't like when I was with my group of 'friends', I was actually myself.

Curled up from pain on the ground, tears in my eyes, and a light bulb flickering over my head, I finally decided.

My fear of losing everyone I loved would be gone along with the sentimental value I had with Marco. The old Lacey Carson is gone; I'm like a snake emerging from its old skin. I want to start fresh. No. I can start fresh.

I just have to figure out how.

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Dedicated to alexis1612 for making me an awesome banner. (It's on the side.)

Stay lovely,
Isabelle