My Little Decoy

♪ Please Don't Get Me Wrong ♪ {39}

"Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone

Please don't get me wrong." - Never Let This Go

----

They gave me three days.

Since the confrontation with Carter, neither of my former bandmates even began to acknowledge me, and when they did, I either got a look of anger, despair, or betrayal.

Gabriel had given me three days to stay and perform with the band. His only explanation was because the judges had announced an in-between round to eliminate one more band before finals. After I performed, I would be forced to leave.

I remember begging to stay, yelling until my voice grew sore, trying to get them to understand. But all my attempts were futile. I should have guessed that it would turn out like this; that eventually the lies and the schemes and the hiding would come to bite me in the back and have me crashing to the ground.

I remember the endless tears, the sleepless nights. I remember ignoring Blake; refusing to believe his existence was real, otherwise he would leave me too. The drummer had been calling nonstop and I made sure to leave the bus only when his own wasn't in sight. He didn't know I got kicked out. He didn't know what I had done.

Unless Carter had told him.

That, that was my biggest fear despite the inevitability of returning back to Seattle, and back to Marco. Just the thought had me shivering uncontrollably, the thought of meeting my stepfather face to face had me shaking and wishing for everything to go back to how it was before. Sometimes I would lie awake at night, and wonder how life would be like if my mother hadn't spiralled into that depression. How would life be like if on the night she died, she realized that there was so much more to life than being stuck in the past? That she had so much to live for?

I bit my lip and tried to compose myself. Wasn't I just stuck in the past then too? Marco was right. I was exactly like her.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I blinked and suddenly I was out of my thoughts and into the real world.

All at once the sounds of the crowd cheering and yelling erupted in my ear drums, making me wince. My black outfit was stark against the contrast of everyone else's bright tanks and obnoxiously colored shorts - as the southern states were always much warmer than where I came from. I hadn't realized I was sweaty in the midday sun, the pallor of my shirt absorbing the extra heat. I dabbed at my forehead and pulled my hair up into a messy ponytail before attempting to remember where I was.

It was only when I caught sight of my band - former band now - sitting beside me in obviously tense positions did I remember. We sat in a row, from Gabriel to myself sitting last on the edge. Around us were energetic, happy individuals but the five us were stoic and impassive, unable to meet each other's gazes. I tried not to think of the fact that they were leaning off to the side, trying to get as far away from me without coming off as rude. I didn't get angry; I deserved the treatment.

The guys hadn't spoken a word to me after Gabriel had given me a deadline. Just a noncommittal grunt and a reluctant hello every once in a while. I took to sleeping on the makeshift couch by the windows on the bus, just so they wouldn't feel uncomfortable around me. Blake would call every night, but I just let my phone vibrate until his hopefulness about me picking up would disappear.

It wasn't just me that they treated like an outcast. The morning after the confrontation with Carter, Gabriel called in Mike and fired him as their manager. Gabriel told him to bring me home, and that he never wanted to see us again. I remember feeling as if my heart was ripped in two.