Under My Skin (on hold)

Chapter 12- All I Wanted

Jeremiah didn't loosen his grip on his bandmate's arm until they were far enough away from a sleeping Bethany. Still, he said nothing until he checked on her one more time, and Ben assured him she was asleep.

"I sleep deprived her body accidentally. She's out like a light, trust me."

Ben didn't want to have this conversation, because he knew what it was about. There was nothing more he could say. He likes being kissed, yes, and she was a good kisser, yes, but there wasn't a chemical attraction there. That was all there was, but Ben couldn't convey it to Jeremiah like that.

"I just came by to drop off some of your lyrics you forgot and your flash drive, I uploaded a drum track onto it, too, just in case you wanted to know, and I walk in on you kissing my girlfriend! I was going to propose, you know, and that kind of just killed the mood."

"You knew all along." Ben responded. Jeremiah didn't take it well.

"What do you think I knew all along? Huh?"

"All those dusty books. There must have been some lore on it, along with you watching your brother's two little girls, you must have seen a Disney movie or two. It's always in the kiss, and you knew it all along." Jeremiah was silent. There was obvious tension in the air.

"Come on, don't tell me you didn't find something about it? I know you knew from the start, but you didn't tell us because you didn't want to risk your relationship. You didn't want her to kiss me, feel some sort of twisted attraction and go for me instead of you. Isn't that it?"

"It's all your fault!-"

"You can blame it on me all you want. I wasn't the one to snap my fingers and wish I was in her body- it just happened, and you know that. You know how much she and I dislike each other. Just because we understand how the other feels doesn't mean that I fell in love with her. She's a pretty little thing, but I'm really not into her. I can't stress enough how little of a reaction we have between us, Jeremiah. You have to trust her, and me on this."

"All I wanted was her, and I was SO CLOSE to having her forever. If this messes everything up, I can't stay in the band."

"It's not my fault, again!"

"It never is, is it!?"

"Jeremiah, seriously!? When she wakes up, she'll tell you everything I just told you, and she'll assure you that she never wants to kiss me again. Ever. I hope you understand that the kiss wasn't just for fun and giggles, it was a serious thing. We did it so we could switch back, and nothing more. I know you're hurt about it, though. There's nothing I can do to change how you feel, but don't be angry at me or her, or yourself."

Jeremiah looked away and clenched his jaw. He knew that Ben was right, but he was pissed off that he ALWAYS had to be right! He would never wish anything bad upon anybody, but this time he wanted Ben to know what it felt like to lose something really important. Jeremiah was feeling like he just lost Bethany, the love of his life, and he wanted Ben to understand that too.

It wasn't about the pain. Jeremiah was well aware of how much pain Ben was feeling all the time, but it was normal for him. Ben didn't want it to be, but it looked like him and agony had a relationship that wasn't growing apart any time soon. He felt pain, but he hadn't really felt loss. And that was what set Jeremiah off.

He explained it all to Ben, and questioned why he was ever there for Ben in the first place. He wasn't aware that Ben had all this baggage when he first became friends with him in school. He didn't expect a disclaimer and waiver that went along with Ben, but Jeremiah wanted to feel bad every once in a while without having Ben console him, cause he was just plain more miserable.

But then Ben surprised him.

"Jeremiah, it's not that I'm afraid or incapable of feeling pain, I've been trying to not let it hurt me anymore when I feel it. I'm really trying to be the person I should be, but I'm... not. And I don't know what to do about it."

Jeremiah was silent for a while, he just looked his best friend in the eyes. He noticed how his eyes changed over the years, from a bright, vibrant blue, fading to a sky blue, to an icy blue and finally a matte, empty gray. What Ben said was the missing puzzle piece in their friendship, and it finally clicked.

"It's not fair, you know." Jeremiah started. Ben looked at him quizzically.

"It's not fair that you're not the person you want to be, because you deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone else I know. It's your stubbornness... your strong will. You hold onto it and never let it go, it just never gets you there. And it's not fair. It never is. But I promise, it'll happen."

Ben was taken aback at the loyalty of Jeremiah's friendship, and what he was willing to do and say for him. A simple thank you would never cut it, but it was a start.

Jeremiah went out to sit on the couch where Bethany was sleeping, out like a light like Ben had predicted. Ben went to go after Jessica. He took her out to dinner, and Jeremiah would sit with Bethany all day and through the night if he had to, until she woke up again.

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Bethany woke up around 10 at night, confused and slightly cranky. She was unsure of what year it was, as she had felt like she'd slept for the longest time. She pulled her phone out of her back pocket, looked at the time and some messages, one from Ben, some from Jessica. She remembered that she was back in her own body again, and recapped the events of the afternoon.

I kissed Ben. And I hated it.

I kissed my arch enemy, got my own body back, but Jeremiah wouldn't talk to me about it.

It ruined my relationship, didn't it?

Wait a second. Who am I laying on?

Bethany sat up and realized Jeremiah was sitting next to her. He was dozing off, his head resting on his shoulder in an uncomfortable position, which he would feel when he woke up. Bethany realized his jacket was covering her side as a blanket and his hand was resting on her arm.

Maybe he wasn't mad after all, Bethany thought. She laid back down, but caused Jeremiah to stir awake. He groaned, immediately feeling the pain in his neck, and repeatedly blinking, Bethany coming into focus.

"Good, you're awake. Did you have a good sleep? Ben said he was sorry about the lack of sleep he caused your body to have, by the way."

"I take it you two talked? I'm still tired, but less tired. You know?"

"Yeah, I know. And yes, we did talk. It wasn't about the kiss, but more of the friendship I have with him, and I just wanted to let you know that he's really trying. It may not seem like it at all, but he's determined to be a better person, a better friend."

"That's good to hear. Especially for me, since I thought you weren't going to talk to me because I kissed him."

"Only to switch back bodies. I was still upset since you kissed him like you kissed me, but I understood that it didn't mean anything."

"Yeah, there's no connection between Ben and I. I can see myself with you for a long, long time. Not to get all sappy, but, you've changed my life for the better, and I'm happier than I've ever been."

"I waited here until you woke up so I could talk to you about that, actually."

"Is that good or bad?" Bethany asked, now slightly scared.

"I guess it all depends. But, we've been together for what, close to two years now? I've already been on one tour while we were in a relationship, and we handled it, and you know what it would be like with me not around for a while. I still can't believe we've hidden it from them for this long, it's unbelievable. Ben was the only one who didn't know," Jeremiah chuckled at his last statement before sucking it up and getting to the point.

"So I've really been thinking about it, and, will you marry me?"