Under My Skin (on hold)

Chapter 10- Sooner or Later

Even though Bethany was in Ben's body, she was getting tired of not being able to see Jeremiah, and she was getting quite lonely. The only good thing she was getting out of this whole ordeal was the fact that she had a great singing voice, and had incredibly strong lungs. This also meant she was able to cry at inhuman volumes while sprawled across Jeremiah.

"I can't do this anymore! I don't know how much longer I can take this, being Benjamin! Dear God, I hate being him, he's so--"

"Annoying, obnoxious, self-centered, hateful, secluded, the list goes on an on. Should I continue?"

"I mean, I've learned a lot about him, because I'm him, but I just want it to end. He can have his life back, because I'm sick of living his."

"I know, I know. I don't know if I have any good advice for you, but the full moon is coming up in a few days and I can help by trying some witchy hex stuff, at least from what I've read in all those dusty books over there." He pointed his toe over to the pile of dust sitting in the corner.

"I don't know if you can help me, help Benjamin."

"I know I can't help Benjamin, believe me, I've tried. He just doesn't feel like he wants to be saved, or deserves to be saved. There's nothing we can do about him, but maybe this whole thing taught him a lesson on the meaning and the theory of... everything."

"I just want to get back to my own life and my own problems. I've already dealt with his and I think I understand everythign he's going through. I'm just... done."

"I know, I know you are. I think this will all be over soon."

"I just can't win."

"You rarely do, Bethany. That's why you can't take for granted the little things, like making a really good grilled cheese sandwich, or getting a smile from a stranger. Those are little wins, and they're bigger than you think.

"Just because you've got so much more to learn and accomplish doesn't mean that you and celebrate the little goals, like not getting toothpaste up your nose, waking up on time or drinking a really good cup of coffee. Because you win there. Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."

"Wait, you got toothpaste up your nose once?!" Bethany laughed suddenly, sitting up to meet his eyes.

"How badly would you laugh if I said yes? Actually, don't answer that question. It's besides the point, anyway, MOVING ON!" Jeremiah considered, still trying to calm down his distressed girlfriend.

It seemed to work, as she had stopped crying and was just sniffling. He didn't know how to help her, and she didn't know if any of this could be helped. It was a play by play situation, but the only twist was that they had no idea if things were ever going to be the same. Somewhere, deep in their hearts, they knew it wouldn't.

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In preparation for the day's recording session, Ben and Beth stood in Ben's living room with a laptop with demos and an acoustic guitar, and Ben was trying to teach Bethany, who was getting comfortable in his skin, how to sing the songs he was supposed to record today.

Bethany was enjoying Ben's powerful, raw voice, all up until Ben realized that Beth had a can-scream-like-a-banshee-if-she-wanted-to kind of gravelly, blues rock kind of voice, and Ben was trying it out for size and figured it would be good on a track or two.

This went on until they both panicked because Beth didn't fully know the melody and style of the songs she was going to record in Ben's place, and Ben because he should be signing them, rightfully. Bethany hadn't met the entire band, and was nervous on how to talk and act around them. The last thing they wanted was to make the others think there was something going on.

"No one is ever going to believe us, Beth."

"Oh, I know. I'm still waiting to wake up."

"I'll gladly pinch you, we'll see if that helps out any."

"Just... don't say anything when we get there. Act like me, which won't be hard, just slouch and grumble and shit."

"Like an angry raccoon."

"Precisely. Is that really what you think of me?"

"Yes! That's seriously what you look like. Your eyes always have dark rings around them cause you don't sleep, you vampire you, you're always rooting around for something and all over the place, you don't like the light, you're practically living in a trash can, WOULD IT HURT YOU TO RUN A VACUUM?! REALLY?! AND, if I stuck my head in and poked at you, you would bite me and I DO NOT WANT TO GET BITTEN BY AN ANGRY RACCOON!!"

"Wise words to live by. Don't get bitten by an angry raccoon..." Ben thought, pausing for a moment.

"Anyway, hop in the car, we'll be late for recording. Keep practicing the song, though, I like hearing the sound of my own voice. Especially when I'm not in my body, I sound SO MUCH BETTER than I think. You should try it sometime."

"Ben, I already am, and you're making me annoying. Stop that."

"But on a final note, don't touch any little knobs and literally just sing and get out of there."

"You sound really disconnected from your band."

"Well, have you met me?!"

"I just think you need to get over this personal shit, Ben. Dig your way out, and find a way. You guys will never stay a band if you can't connect and talk to each other. Especially you, since you write most of the songs. They're your friends, friends that'll stick with you, and you need to appreciate them. Return the favor, you know? That's the least you can give them, for making them out up with you. You're annoying as hell sometimes, Ben. And imagine all the times you don't ever include them in your mess? That's what they're there for! Ti support you. Don't push them away."

"Or you could just stay me and be the person I really can't be! You're a better me than me."

"That's why I'm saying, find a way. Be the Ben you were with Jessica. You know? That's all I'm saying."

"Easier said than done, you know."

"I don't know what'll change you. Because this is something you need to do. Not while I'm under your skin, but while you have your thoughts in your head. You need to do this for you. There's nothing else I can do about it."

Ben thought about it long and hard, on his way to the studio. The rest of the car ride was silent, and he thought to himself, maybe he can change if he really wanted to. All he needed in order to connect was to disconnect and according to Bethany, he needed a shovel.