wish i were ⇾ p.c

27- grow as we go

"You don't ever have to leave, if to change is what you need, you can change right next to me..."
-ben platt

I suddenly felt a wave of nausea over my actions. Complete and utter embarrassment. I'm so... so... ugh! I can't even describe it!

How could I let looking at myself in the mirror lead to a whole freaking anxiety attack! It's honestly sad. I never used to be like this, so sensitive. I hated that that's how I was now.

I felt my face heat up again. I buried it deeper into Connor's shirt. And then, something even worse happened.

"Hello? Kaylee, are you in here?" A voice called from my room. I froze.

I would recognize that voice anywhere.

My stomach dropped. You know, like that feeling when you're riding a roller coaster and it goes up, up, up... and then it drops suddenly, and your stomach falls to the bottom tracks faster than the cart itself? Yeah that feeling.

When he had went back inside of my room, Connor had left the bathroom door wide open, so when the person who was inside of my room walked by the door and saw us there, huddled together against the counter looking really... together, almost, he stumbled.

"Oh." Said Ponyboy flatly after a second of processing what he saw. "Um, you're mom let me in, she told me you were up here but I didn't realize you were... you were busy. I'm just gonna go."

Before I could even stop him, he turned on his heel and was gone.

Connor looked over at me. I focused my gaze on the floor until the hole his eyes were burning into me got to be too much and I finally had to meet his eyes.

"What was that all about? He seemed upset. Is that the guy that you..."

I blushed even more. My face was probably redder than a tomato by now. I had told him all about Ponyboy. I had been keeping the secret far too long. I needed someone to tell and he was the perfect listener anyways.

"I will take that as a yes. Kaylee, I know he just broke up with that Cherry girl, and I'm not trying to get your hopes up or make you feel better or anything, but I think he likes you."

I turned my head toward him sharply. "What?" I breathed.

"Oh, come on. He looked so pissed off to see me. I think you should go after him."

I sighed. "Yeah, right."

"I'm serious!" He exclaimed. "Go after him."

I shook my head. "No way. He loves me but not the way I want him too... besides. He lives on the other side of town. I'm not going all the way there."

"You won't have to. He just left, he's probably still close."

I shook my head. "No, he wouldn't have walked. He can't walk over here... there's sort of a rivalry between the sides. It's not safe to... anyways, his brother probably drove him. He could be home already."

"Then I'll drive you to his house," Connor argued.

I sighed. "I don't know like, things are just so weird between us and I—"