Medium Meld (Naruto/Gamer, Male OC)

Chapter Seventeen - Dreaming of Goals

Karenbana stared at me silently, and I sighed.

"Fine," I complained, before ticking them off my fingers. "There's this shadow demon asshole with a gang of five? Jounin level ninja, and an immortal army of thousands of moving statues that are trying to kill a future predicting princess in the Land of Demons, if I don't kill him, he will conquer the entire world, probably."

Karenbana narrowed her eyes at the information, no doubt annoyed that I hadn't told her about it when we had literally been crossing that exact country a month or so ago.

"There's this tail-less tailed beast running around that eats anger or hatred or something," I said thoughtfully, "It is being used by this supposedly immortal asshole that controls a flying castle with this massive city-destroying laser, an army of ninja that can fly and he plans on killing everybody in the Land of Fire in revenge for getting his shit pushed in during one of the wars."

Karenbana opened her mouth to say something, but I just flicked the third finger up.

"There's this time-traveling asshole that can control a couple of thousand puppets at once with that Sunagakure puppet technique," I continued easily, "if he isn't killed in the next few years, he will probably end up going back in time and killing the Fourth Hokage before he becomes the Fourth Hokage and then who knows what the hell that will do to the world."

"Stop," Karenbana said, annoyed.

"Then there's this other asshole ninja that going to go around the world stealing all the cool Bloodline limits and then combining them to become the strongest ninja in the world," I kept on talking over the top of her. "I don't really know what his plan was after that, but it probably involved taking over the world or some villainous nonsense."

"Sora." Karenbana said strained.

"Oh!" I said cheerfully, "There's also this ninja prison somewhere that contains a box of bliss or something? Either way, once it's open, it releases an immortal flying demon asshole that will probably kill everybody."

"The Blood Prison?" Karenbana said weakly.

"How could I forget Akatsuki, who wants to collect all the tailed beast to make a superweapon and then take over the world?" I said flippantly.

"That was true?" Karenbana said quietly.

"There then is an actual motherfucker on the moon, and I shit you not," I said incredulously, "Misheard what his ancestor said and decided the guy wanted him to steal hundreds of people's eyes before smashing the moon into the earth."

"If you don't let me-" Karenbana said intently.

"Then there's a bunch of other guys from another dimension? Planet? Somewhere else, who want to steal all the chakra from this world, and one of them was already here like ages ago so-" I started.

That was as far as I got before Karenbana punched me in the stomach, folding me over like a towel around her fist, and I fell to my knees, gasping for breath.

"That was totally uncalled for," I wheezed. "you shitty bodyguard."

"Sora." Karenbana sighed, "How much of that is true?"

"All of it," I gasped out, before trying to catch my breath. "I might have got some of their motivations mixed up or wrong, but the events are more or less true, there's way more than just those anyway."

"You know all of this, like you know who people are when you look at them?" Karenbana said quietly. "How you knew where Shiromari was? And the Dragonblade?"