"I promise-I don't care how hard it's gonna be or how long it takes because when it's my time, when I'm up and it's my turn to fly, I'm taking you to the sky with me, I can't do it without you,"
They never expected it to happen this way. It seemed l...
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"Baby, when you get this call me back," she heard Xavion sigh over the phone.
She hadn't talked to him in a while, maybe a day or two, and she just didn't have the energy to do so today. Her mental health was kicking her hard, and she needed time to herself.
Usually, she could figure it out by herself. That's what she always did, she didn't need to ask for help or burden anybody with her constant mood fluctuations. Lately, she had been okay, she'd been happier and this was happening much less, but when it did happen, it didn't last this long.
"I'm sorry," she mumbled aloud as if Xavion could hear her.
She hadn't left her room since she got off work Friday, it was now Sunday afternoon and nobody had heard from her, she didn't go to her parents house yesterday, she just wanted to be alone.
She knew this could be self destructive, but she also didn't know what else to do other than wait it out. She tried therapy when she was in college, and therapists made her feel so uncomfortable and vulnerable, her sessions would often end in tears, or her just choosing not to speak.
Even when Sahara would insert herself, conversation was small and very limited to if she'd eaten and slept.
Emari was extremely frustrated with herself. She didn't understand why she got like this when she had good things going for her. She could be on top of the world, and the next day completely crash. She could be in a room full of people she loved and loneliness could still creep up on her, and she hated it.
She just wanted it to stop. Nothing made sense to her, and she felt like sometimes that made it worse, because when she couldn't understand what was wrong, there was no way to fix it, and she didn't know how long she'd be stuck, held captive by her own emotions. . She felt like when she got like this, she could never win, she was always overpowered.
Her bedroom was dark with all the curtains closed, it was now 4:45, and she hadn't eaten a thing all day, getting out of bed felt like such a chore she couldn't bring herself to do it, but she knew she had to. So after a few minutes of just staring at her wall, convincing herself she dragged herself up and trudged to her kitchen.
On the way, she passed her full body mirror and made the mistake of looking into it. She had on the same clothes as the day before, oversized sweatpants and a large shirt that completely swallowed her. Her hair was a mess and you could see the lack of sleep in her eyes.
In her own opinion, she looked dark. Her emotions were easily displayed in her skin and her eyes, she felt sunken in and hollow.
She shook her head at herself, feeling tears welling up in her eyes and furiously wiping them away before making her way to the kitchen to get some food and drink some water, which she'd also been neglecting.
The thought of eating anything she had in the fridge made her stomach turn, so she shut it, grabbing a room temperature bottle of water and an apple, cutting it up and grabbing her jar of nutella, sitting on the floor in front of her couch with the food, staring at it.
