The Other Woman.

14. Resisting.

14. Resisting.

June 4th. 

Three days and I long to just kiss him, but I cannot, I have to keep to my word, yet I long to tell him I love him, tell him how much I adore him, but I can't and its so hard not to just pick up the phone, text him or meet up with him or sit on the couch with him and talk to him. . . I miss the days in Monaco, I miss him in general. I've been recovering from what happened that night at the ballroom, how horrible Finn was. Flynn has been in contact, but I'm trying to ignore his calls and his texts, but the day before he told me of what went down after I left and after he left me at the apartment. 

Flynn told me that he told his parents what happened, what Finn done to me and they were disgusted and yet Finn manipulated his words and their mother softened on him and then changed their father's mind. Flynn said that he cannot even bare to look at him after what he's done. 

Ava has been around more often, so has Victoria and even James, they've been so good to me, yet Victoria and James don't know, but Ava is my best friend now, she understands and she has been helping me through a lot it. I've been pondering the thought of flying home, but even when I'm on airline websites ready to buy a ticket I can't bring myself to buy it.

I am in love with him and he's been the only thing on my mind since that night. I am in love with his personality, the way he treats me, the way he speaks to me and the way he respects me as an individual and as a person, not as the woman on the side. I love how he kisses me, caresses me and assures me everything will be alright. . . I love how he was there when no one else was. I love how he loves me! I love him. . . I love him. 

My phone rings, snapping me from my daze and I see its him, I ignore and then hang it up as every shrill is like another pierce through me. I have to get a hobby, do something with myself. I know I had plans on becoming a singer, travelling, maybe I could write some blues, but I know they'd be all about him. Reading maybe. . . 

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June 15th.

With everyday that was passing and each text and phonecall it was becoming harder. I was trying to distract myself in the process. I was reading more and more and discovering a whole new world of books, stories and imagination. I had gotten into some drawing, sketching and even took a few art classes. . . Anything to distract me from Flynn, but the string on my heart was tied to him and I couldn't deny myself every time I tried to distract myself that I was in love with him, my love would never fail.

And! Anytime I was drawing or reading I was either drawing the yacht, the private jet or him, or his eyes, them beautiful unique gems that sat in darkness. My heart was so occupied with him, I was so occupied with him on my mind. Every book I was reading was either about romance or tragedy and then I read about all the scandals. . . I read about Diana and Dodi in detail along with Wallis Simpson and Prince Edward, then Marilyn Monroe and Jack Kennedy and then there was Romeo and Juliet. . . I couldn't get him off my mind no matter how great the distraction. 

Ava and I had even gone out to get my mind off him and no justice even with alcohol running down my throat. I was even more depressed that I had drank and I ached just to press dial. . . It was killing me day by day, but I knew it was for my own benefit, his and Olivia's and basically everyone else that we surrounded ourselves with. 

Here and there I listened to the voicemails left and he said in one that he had asked Ava about me and said that he wants to see me, even talk to me, he missed me and he loved me and when he said those words they tore a hole right in my chest, because I missed him too and I loved him more than anything else.