The Other Woman.

20. La Douleur Exquise.

20. La Douleur Exquise. 

November 10th.

I feel broken. . . its the only way I can describe how I feel. . . I feel empty and I feel like a piece of me has just be taken away or swept off with the sea. I've moved out of the apartment, well for now, I'm currently in a hotel, its a nice suite, but I miss the comfort of where my home was, where my heart lay with Flynn. 

The night I broke up with him, I cried and sobbed my way home in the taxi, shocked and devastated and almost repulsed by my own actions I held Blair and reaching the apartment I asked the driver to wait. I ran inside, sobbed my heart out and then packed clothes, makeup and shoes and took a few of Blair's things, I went back to the car and headed to a hotel. . .

Crying and sobbing made me exhausted, it made my head ache and when the depths of the night came, I couldn't sleep, he was on my mind and the memories circled my mind like a collision of stars, shining, making an appearance randomly in the darkness of my dark mind. I began to regret but pinched myself to remember why I had to do it and it made it worse. I've never felt such a gaping wound in my chest, in my heart for one man before, I had seriously compromised and fell in love with this man. . . but now I was devastated and upset with myself.  

Ava had called here and there, asking where I was, but I told her I wanted to be alone, we got into a bit of a tiff too and we haven't spoken in three days. I got one call from Flynn, which I ignored, Vicky called and I spoke to her politely. I had been thinking about heading about to Brooklyn, but I had now settled here, its the place where I fell in love and now I was leaving it, but I knew I couldn't leave yet, the wedding. . . Thinking of it drove me into a state of madness. . . a state of envy and jealousy. 

I moped around now in baggy sweaters, hair up and no makeup and hadn't ate properly in days, I felt like I had lost someone, I may have lost the most brilliant man I ever had, which he was, most definitely and truly. I felt like I was mourning someone that was gone completely, but he wasn't and he was in my heart all day, everyday, every moment. I sat on the armchair, a baggy cream sweater hanging on my shoulders, black leggings and my hair thrown up. I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my left cheek on my knees as I closed my eyes. . . 

Closing my eyes felt like I was unlocking a chest of memories and emotions. Everything had rushed back, his eyes, the way he looked at me, the way he smiled, laughed, kissed me, touched me, the way he treated me, the way he admired me, it was everything about him which made him so much more magical and much more. . . fascinating and toxic at the same time, it was like a drug you couldn't get enough of and that is exactly what he is and what he is. Soon enough, I'd be having withdrawal, but like any addict I had to get clean.  

My phone rang all of a sudden making me flinch, I jumped up and grabbed it, it was an unknown number, but I answered anyways with curiosity. My voice felt a little croak due to the howling cries of pain and devastation, all caused by me. 

"Hello?" I inquired. 

"Hi, this is Olivia," it was her, the first woman, the perfect and pretty who hadn't a fault in her essence, unlike me, the whore, the other woman, the most damaged beyond help. 

"Oh hi, how are you?" I asked politely, I couldn't be rude, due to what her fiancee and I've been through these past few months. 

"Good," she snapped. "You sound sick, will you be able to make the planner meeting tomorrow? Well, last adjustments, are you still up to singing for my wedding?" she demanded. 

"I'm not sick," I cleared my throat. "Of course, I'll be there," I said. 

"Good, I'll text you details, see you there," she said dully and hung up.