Destined By The Waves

All hell breaks loose

Faith

It's been several hours since Joy left the cave. The night is already upon us and he has not returned yet. I can't help but feel antsy because he is out there tormenting himself with guilt because of me. I hate myself for making him feel this way. How could I be so cruel, so evil, making him suffer for something he hasn't even done?

I am so sorry Joy.

I just can't forget the way Joy looked at me, when I pushed him away. His face looked so pale, and so pained. I just can't get that heart-wrenching expression out of my mind. And, the fact that he felt this awful because of how stupid and selfish I am, makes me want to slap myself way harder than I slapped him.

I shouldn't have acted so irrationally. I guess I just freaked out and let my stupid instincts shut my feelings off again. Why am I like this?

Joy is always so gentle and kind and caring with me, and all I always do is make him second guess himself or hate himself. I don't even know what good deeds I did to deserve meeting someone like him. It is so confusing, this emotion that I feel for him. I really don't know if I am just attached to him or I am more fucked up than that. He just has this effect on me that makes me want to forget all my insecurities and pain, and let him handle my wrecked heart with his gentle care.

But it's unfair to him. He shouldn't have to deal with this wreckage of my heart. He deserves trust and I unintentionally fail to give it to him every single time. But most importantly, he deserves someone who embraces him wholeheartedly, not someone who pushes him away or slaps him for damages he isn't even aware of.

I know it was a reflex action and I didn't mean to hit him. But I did and God knows how much I regret it with every ounce of blood flowing through me.

But, whatever my reasons may be, he shouldn't have to suffer because of me. It shatters my heart to see him like this. He should know I never meant to slap him, or blame him, he didn't do anything wrong. I am the wrong one here, and I should be the one suffering.

I have to call him inside now and declare a night of truce. He can't stay outside forever. I'll just apologize to him and ensure he relaxes for now. I'll see how to deal with the bigger picture later. I just hope he keeps some distance from me though, I don't deserve his care and concern, especially after putting him through this.

Finally after making up my mind to ease the situation, I get up and walk towards the cave opening. My ankle still hurts on walking, but it's somehow bearable.

Once I step outside the cave, I turn in the direction where Joy was sitting earlier. But, he isn't there now. I look towards the surrounding rocks, I look in the direction of beach, I look in the opposite direction, towards the rocky stretch, but he's nowhere. Where the hell did he go?

Did he just leave me alone here?

I shiver at the thought. Did I drive him too far away? Does he hate me now? Yeah, he definitely hates me for doing this to him. I deserve it.

Why can't I just live like a normal person for once in my life?

I move towards a rock nearby and sit on it. My eyes still continue to look around the island for Joy. Where could he possibly go? Should I go around and look for him? Is that even safe?

I sigh and turn around towards the ocean and that's when my eyes fall on him. He is standing neck deep inside the ocean, directly in front of the rock he was sitting on earlier, but facing the other side.

What's he doing in the water at this time of the night?

He isn't even cleaning up or taking a dip or anything. He is just standing there and staring into vast nothingness. What's wrong with him? And how long has he been standing in there?