WHY DO I STILL? | stiles stilinski v. isaac lahey

SIXTEEN

"Oh, do you need a minute to come up with a plausible lie?" Lydia asked them.

"Part of the reason why we're asking is because Scott and I aren't supposed to be seeing each other, okay?" Allison responded, which wasn't a lie. "So, it's better if you just keep what you know to yourself."

"Fine," Lydia whispered. "I'll keep what I know about you and your boyfriend—which is nothing—to myself."

Lydia started to get out when Allison said, "Hey."

She stopped and turned back around when Allison grabbed her arm.

"He's not just my boyfriend. You get that, right?"

"Let me go," Lydia said.

Haven sighed and leaned back in the seat, not knowing whether they should come clean to her or not. She watched as Allison seemed to upset her, but didn't want to tell her the truth if Allison didn't want her to know.

"Just for one second, please," Allison pleaded. "Try and remember."

"Remember what?" Lydia shouted, irritated.

"Remember what it feels like," Allison said passionately. "All of those times in school when you see him standing in the hall, and you cannot breathe until you're with him. "Or those times in class when you—you can't stop looking at the clock because you know that he's standing right out there waiting for you."

Haven moved in her seat, Allison's words hitting too close to home. Allison was talking about Scott, and Haven was all too familiar with the feeling of liking him, wanting him. But her words resonated with Haven because of another boy, not because of Scott.

"Or when he's in the class with you, and you can't focus on everything but the back of his head, and totally zone out on what the teacher is saying," Haven added, earning the attention of the two in the front seat. She had a dazed look on her face as she spoke. "Feeling like someone hit you in the gut whenever you're in the car with him or showed up in your room in the middle of the night, just wanting to be there with you. Being their safe space, and them being yours. Wanting to stay even when you guys are at an all time low wondering 'who do I still?' but the answer to that question is love. When seeing them hurt, hurt you. Sometimes their head isn't in the right place, but their heart is."

What Haven didn't realize is that her words described not just one, but two boys in her life. While she may have been thinking she was talking about Isaac, who sat in front of her in French before or who had driven her to school or the dance before, she was also referring back to a certain buzzcut idiot, one of whom she didn't even really look at like that.

"Don't you remember what that's like?" Allison asked her.

Lydia started to slowly shake her head, stating, "No."

"What do you mean, 'no,'?" Allison questioned. "You've had boyfriends."

"None like that," Lydia whispered, and a singular tear fell down Haven's face when she said it. Because it hurt knowing her friend was hurt.

Lydia opened the door and left, this time Allison letting her go. The two brunettes looked at each other solemnly. When she was in her house, Haven slowly moved from the back seat to the front, neither of them talking.

"The boys should've let me go with them," Haven muttered as Allison got back on the road, making her way to Haven's house. "I'm more useful there with them."

"They're just worried about you, that's all," Allison replied.

"Yeah, worried that I can't control myself," sighed Haven. "It sucks. Having these powers, but not being able to use them. Not being able to control them. Why have powers if I can't even help protect the boys?"