Five x Reader ~ The Umbrella Academy (Season 2)

Chapter 14

I thought to my drunken mind for a second. "I'd be down for that." I said.

Allison and Vanya yelled at Klaus for his comment while I took a sip of my drink, not having an issue about it.

"Eww!" Allison complained.

"Oh! Oh, eww! Eww! Please, Miss "Luther was my lover." Klaus continued with kissing sounds.

"We have never even kissed." Allison said.

"Yeah, but you guys were making little sick moon-dog eyes at each other all through puberty and breakfasts and all that." Klaus said as he took another swing of his alcohol.

Vanya and me were very intrigued with the conversation. "Aren't we all brothers and sisters, or...?" Vanya questioned.

Klaus snorted.

"Well... technically, it--"

"Technically"? If you have to word... use the word "technically," you're already in trouble." Klaus giggled.

"Okay, can... can we focus?" Allison said as Vanya and I joined in on Klaus's giggling. "I mean, clearly we're not saving the world tonight, but maybe, maybe, we could at least try to save my marriage."

"No!" Klaus yelled as he spilt some alcohol. "No, because that's like... that's like asking a nun how to hump someone's leg. I mean, who in this room knows shit about relationships? This one? In secret love with some farm Frau." Klaus pointed at Vanya.

"Her name's Sissy." Vanya said.

"Which is an improvement on her previous love interest," Klaus said looking at Allison who was telling him not to say anything about it, "the serial killer."

"What?" Vanya yelled.

"Meanwhile, I'm carrying a torch..." Klaus continued.

"Later." Allison whispered to Vanya.

"...for a soldier I haven't technically met yet, and Luther is in love with his sister." Klaus said.

"Okay, again, we are not biological." Allison defended him.

"Not to mention, Y/N with her weird ass relationship with a 58 year-old man who looks like a child." Klaus added.

"Come on, we aren't dating..." I stopped talking for a second. "wait are we?"

 I couldn't remember a single thing. It was like I wasn't for sure what was actually going on in me and Five's relationship.

"I mean, it seems like it." Allison said.

"But why don't I remember it happening?" I asked.

"What happening?" Vanya asked.

"Like, admitting the weird ass romantic tension between us and all that shit." I mumbled.

Klaus moved on to a different conversation as I took several large gulps of my alcohol down my throat.

"Face it,  the healthiest long-term relationship in this family was when Five was banging that mannequin."

I spit out the alcohol that was in my mouth and started to cough.

"What what?" I yelled as I coughed a little.

Vanya looked over at me with a confused look on her face. I shrugged my shoulders in response I didn't entirely know. But no one seemed to answer me.

"The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love... is how to screw it up." Klaus stated.

Everyone went silent and the only thing we could hear was the radio.

"You're listening to KBOX, Dallas." The man on the radio said.