Back together

blowing up

Tw!Selfharm!

I went inside there ,it was like a library and at the far corner there was the piano and next to it was a couch and the piano player's sit. There was a shelf where there were pieces to play.I sat by the piano, i smiled when i remembered everytime mom and i used to go to church, i'd stay back and teach myself how to play it there .naturally people use the piano when they are singing but for me i did things differently.

Nobody ever knew about my talent to do and write all kinds of poetry, but mostly i liked the spoken word poetry. I started playing with the keys, when i finally got the tune i wanted ,i did a piece of some poetry i was working on while i was playing the piano,

at times i stopped to sing, after i was done, i felt relieved as if it was something  i had been holding in for a long time and finally let it out. What i didn't know was that i was not alone,i heard someone clapping, when i looked up i saw Ace at the door, he had tears in his eyes,

"that was so beautiful, " He said,

"Thank you"i said blushing, to be honest i never wanted anybody to find out but what's done is done, right?

"uh, uh could you please keep THIS a secret please?" i asked him

"why do you want to hide such incredible talents"

"well i just didn't want you to find out not this soon atleast," i said 

"Okay then." he said cornily with a salute, t

i rolled my eyes and smiled, the day went by pretty quickly with me in the room and since Alex was not home we didn't have to eat dinner together. i went to my room and lay on my bed,.....Ace....Ace was something else , he gave me a homely feeling and i was warming up to him.

 as if i saw him as family, no no no i can't be feeling this i promised myself not to get too close, i went to the walk in closet i had and looked through my bag i found a shirt and some shorts i went into the bathroom and took a quick shower and dressed for bed,

.I went to bed after finally giving up on finding out what i was really feeling around my brothers, you see, i wasn't completely the badass girl ,fine i was a bit rough, but that was only a cover i was broken inside both physically and emotionally.

i finally closed my eyes and drifted off to slumber

*"No no please stop, it was an accident", i begged 

"please stop am sorry " i continued pleading

"No why should i stop this is what little whores like you deserve," he said kicking my stomach several times,

"Now how about we have a little fun," he jumped on me unbuttoning my shirt*

"Nooo i screamed i woke up in cold sweat, luckily none of my brothers heard me. 

I started to hyperventilate and my throut  started to tighten and i couldn't breath, my heart started beating fast and i started to black out, i started gasping for air and finally i started breathing and coming back to reality.I had dealt with it before

i started crying, i hated this i hated it so much . i went into my bag and started searching and i finally took out the razor. i went to the bathroom and sat down on the toilet i rolled up my sleeves to see my many other scars i slowly started sliding the razer across my wrist and once the blood came out it felt so good.

 after some time i washed of my scars and went to the couch i already knew i wasn't gonna sleep again. I checked the time to see it was 5 o'clock in the morning i took my sketch book and started sketching , by the time i was done it was already  6.30 am.  i decided to shower, i showered and chose to wear my worn out ripped jeans and a turtle neck

By the time i was done it was already 8.am i decided to go down to the kitchen. i walked down the stairs and when i reached the kitchen i found all the boys sat with  whatever they were eating ,once i entered they all kept quiet . 

'morning bambina,' Ace greeted me

'Morning' i mumbled

'slept well,' Adrian asked

'Yeah' i lied

They all went back to whatever they were talking about

Since they were all eating and i didn't want to look like the odd one out , i settled for a banana since i didn't really feel like eating .

I sat down with them,

'So Mickayla, you'll be going for cloth shopping today with Andrew and the twins.' Alex said

The way he said it it was as if my opinion didn't matter, but as usual i had to argue.

'I can't accept i don't want you to spend your money on me and feel as if i'm a burden you have  to take care of' I said

The whole room turned quiet and a bunch of hurt and worried faces looked at me well, apart from one ,Alex, well i couldn't tell what emotion he had on his face. But something in his look just made me want to shrink in my spot. 

'You're not a burden you are our sister and its our responsibility to take care of you and decide what's best for you.' He said so calmly suddenly something in me rose.

 'Really then why didn't you even bother to even contact me or my mom, you have no clue what kind of shit i have gone through, and now you want to decide what's best for me,after fifteen years of my life is when you decided to appear, did it ever cross your minds that maybe i didn't even want to be fucking here!!!! I shouted and left the room. I went straight to my bedroom closed the door and slid down the door frame, i cupped my face with my hands and cried.

Everything i had been holding in just poured out. i crawled into my bed and after hours and hours of crying nobody came to check on me,i had really screwed it this time. i finally drifted of to sleep.

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