Honest Truths

1/9/15

As clearly you can tell the book was suppose to be published yesterday or the day before. But due to my finals tomorrow I got nothing done. Do any of you guys ever get a feeling, like a really bad ache in your heart, and no matter what you do you can't get rid of it? Like even reading Qur'an doesn't help? I've been having those kind of aches lately.

You know, throughout our life we go through some realizations and for me one of the realizations came to me this month. No matter how much you love someone, no matter what you do... you will never ever forget them. And if someone is doing something wrong and you told them the right way to do it... if they don't want to do it, they won't. And it's really sad. But what can you do? You did your part the rest is up to them.

I am the type of girl who takes her broken self and fixes others with it. And it feels like sometimes, that I go unnoticed. Not that I mind. I never want anyone to know what I do for them, because I do it out of love. Speaking of love, I honestly can't see anyone having a fancy for or crush on me. It just sounds impossible. I can't see myself actually in a happy marriage either. It's just that, well I feel like there is nothing left in me for that kind of love, and I don't have anything left to give. I feel like people took who I am from me or I gave it all away I don't know. I just can't see myself happy. I'm starting to think I'm depressed. I always made others happy, I never cried my tears to anyone beside my best friend, and its still all like that. For some crazy reason through..I've lost the will to live. I mean I just don't want to. I just want to see my Lord now and be in heaven and drink tea with the prophets. But everytime I think like that, I just think about the prophets, and their companions and how they faced this hell some people call paradise. Any way.

I'm gonna randomly lay here and think about life. 0_0

Salam - Hoor