TW: Swearing, Kidnapping(it's lowkey funny tho), Near-death experiences I guess
Alec: IT'S TIME TO KIDNAP BITCHESSS
Phee: I got the rope, the bags, and da horses in da back
Alec: Ooooooo, we have horses?
Phee: Um, no. It's a song I was... you know what nevermind. Let's just get started on the kidnapping.
Somewhere in South Carolina...
John Laurens: *Fighting Redcoats*
Alec and Phee: *In the bushes*
Phee: Ight, you take this bat, and you knock him in the head SOFTLY and drag him here. AND DON'T GET KILLED
Alec: Alright, I guess. *Takes bat* *Slowly creeps towards Laurens* *Knocks him out and drags him away from the creeped out British soldiers*
Alec: *In an exaggerated British accent* THE JOB IS DONE!!!!!!!!!!!
Phee: Not so loud, bitch!
Alec: Oh, sorry. *Slightly quieter* The job is done!
Phee: *Looks around* They're all looking at us... *To people* NOTHING TO SEE HERE FOLKS
Random Redcoat: WHAT IN CHAV'S NAME ARE YOU WEARING GOOD LADY AND SIR?
Alec: Well, Phee's wearing a crop top/shirt that's coral at the top, and white and the bottom and black shorts, and I'm wearing light ripped jeans and a black spiderman crop top. (Cause we are baddies)
Random Revolutionary: WHY ARE YOU WEARING PANTS?
Phee: ITS 2020 CREEPY WHITE MEN!!!
Alec: YESS BITCHHH PERIOD
*we fly away to the next near-death with an unconscious John Laurens in tow*
Mt. Vernon, 1799
Phee: Alright, now be quiet the president's sleeping.
Alec: Okay.
Phee: Stay here with John, and make sure he stays asleep.
Alec: Alright *Lovingly caresses Laurens' face*
Phee: *Walks in the room.* *Shoves the 1st president of America in a bodybag* The deed is done. Let's go to France.
*They leave*
France, wherever Lafayette lives I guess
Phee: This time, you go kidnap him, and do it QUIETLY, please.
Alec: Okay! *Grabs baseball bat and bodybag*
Phee: Also, don't caress anyone's face here. They're like, 200 years older than you.
Alec: We homos do what we want. But fine, I'll stop.
Phee: Good, because it might make them uncomfortable.
Alec: *lowkey sad* I JUST APPRECIATE HIM AS A CHARACTER AND I-
Phee: Remember, respect.
Alec: *huffs and walks away* Hi Laf.
Lafayette: Mon Ami! Who are you?
Alec: This won't hurt one bit. *Holds up bat*
Lafayette: *Screeches and runs away*
Alec: COME HERE, PRETTY BOY! Oh wait, that sounds weird.
Lafayette: *trips, and knocks out himself*
Alec: Hm, that was easy. *Puts Laf in bodybag and yeets him out of the window, landing on the lawn, where Phee is waiting.*
YOU ARE READING
Hamilton Reacts To Hamilton(and some other stuff too)
FanfictionAuthors: @miss_phee, @emo-and-exhausted premise: we kidnap hamilton characters at awkward moments and force them to react to a musical about themselves(as well as basically every other form of media) Highest ranking: #2 in pheaker #6 in alexhamilton...
