Reincarnated as the Villainess... Yeah, I'm Doomed

Chapter Fifty- Four: Valerie

Valerie POV:

"We haven't received any letters My Lady," One of my maids informed, returning from the mailing room empty handed for what could've been the hundredth time. 

"I see," I said quietly. Nicholas, the man who I once considered the love of my life, had not written to me for weeks. Though I was able to stay by his side at the winter ball, he barely talked to me. He treated me like a doll that he could carry around in order to make other children jealous. To him, I was only a tool. 

For a long time, simply being of use to Nicholas was enough. He was the first person to find worth in me. When all those around me, even my family, considered me to be a worthless existence, Nicholas told me that I was precious. Even if it was only my status and looks that he valued, to me, that was enough. Or at least, I thought it was. 

Then, after the festival, Nicholas turned his attention away from me and to another girl. The girl who he had previously said to me that she 'did not know her place', the girl who he had encouraged me to harass as much as possible. 

While I didn't like Callista, I was not so brazen as to bully the daughter of a duke. However, when Nicholas told me that she was cherished even though she was weak and had little to offer, I was consumed by jealousy. I fed off the words Nicholas spoke to me, speaking the rumors that he had whispered in my ear. Though, for some reason, Callista never crumbled. Even after being attacked by a group of students, she didn't back down. Many thought she was stupid, prideful, and naive. 

But they were wrong. 

I was the one who was stupid enough to think she was worthless. I was the one who was too prideful to see my own faults. I was the one who, even though knowing these things, was too naive to let go of the man I loved. Even after he abandoned me. 

These realizations made me so angry that I lashed out on Callista the second I saw her with Nicholas. The way he smiled at her, the way he looked at her like she was a rare jewel, I couldn't take it. What made me even more angry was the fact that she wasn't happy to be seen in such a way. Callista did not rely on others to seek her own value, she pushed forward, only relying on herself. 

Maybe that's why I started to train as if my life depended on it. Why I decided to take up combat magic in hopes that I could find whatever Callista had found. What made her stand so strong even though others thought she was so weak, I wanted to find it. Maybe then, he would look at me the same way he looked at her. That's what I desired right? I wanted Nicholas Lytton to value me again... right?

"Send for a carriage," I decided, pulling myself from my thoughts. I couldn't sit here and wait any longer. Nicholas would not come for me, I would have to go to him. 

My arrival at the Lytton estate proved a greater shock to the guards than I had expected. Though it wasn't very polite for a lady to visit unannounced, it wasn't something that would require the guards to act as if they were preparing for an attack. 

After waiting for twenty minutes, one of the guards came up to our carriage with a nervous expression. 

"I'm sorry Lady Ludovic, but we cannot allow you to enter the estate."

"What," I questioned quietly, my tone dark. The guards eyes widened as he looked down in fear, unsure of how to handle an angry daughter of a duke. For some reason, I couldn't help but scoff. Was Nicholas hiding from me? Even if he had decided to ignore me, wasn't this a bit much. He would visit me unannounced on many occasions, so my visiting should not be an issue. 

"I'm sorry Lady Ludovic, but the young lord is sick right now. He does not wish to endanger your health."

The guard was lying.