The Beach Bum Lady

Why Worry?

What is your response to the truth that sin is our greatest problem and Jesus is our greatest hope?
Christ's Commission Fellowshiphttps://www.ccf.org.ph/live/

This was the suggested small group discussion questions after the Sunday sermon yesterday. Due to pandemic, all church members can only watch the Sunday Service online. That is where we gather as believers, singing and listening to God's Words together. Somehow it gives me that feel good feeling that I belong. That I am accepted for who I was and who I am. The small group is a break away group from the big congregation of CCF of thousands upon thousands not just in the Philippines but across the globe. This is where I can choose people I want to be with, most likely same gender, same status like all of us are single ladies, gainfully employed and somewhat have the same interests. Interest not just with godly men, in marriage and even in trivial girl things like make ups and vanity salons. "Who wants to answer first?" My group leader asked. A moment of silence. Then I said, in that small hesitant voice... let me go first...

"It is easy to slip back into worrying about tomorrow, dwelling on the "what ifs" and the "if onlys." Each day brings a host of things we cannot change; there will always be circumstances beyond our control. We must also face the reality of who we are - human beings confined within the slice of life we call today. It is tempting to deny the present, but escaping reality is part of the insanity of our addictive way of life."
The Life Recovery Bible, Read Matthew 6:25-34 commentaries

Christianity for me, learning from church, learning at a deeper personal level with my God. Well Christianity is two fold, one, I need a Savior. Two, now I am Saved by Grace, I need to Honor my Savior and my Lord. Yes the need of a Savior, that I am helpless in my sin, I need a Savior to save me from my own self. Getting saved is one thing, choosing who to serve now is another thing. Choosing who to serve, who to prioritize first, who to please first, who will be my God? Who will be the Lord of my life? Who has authority over me? Who will I obey from this point forward? Getting saved is one time. Jesus paid for all our sins once and for all. Jesus was and is enough. It is finished.

But what if we realize that there is a second fold to this one time event of getting saved by Jesus. Christianity is a process. Many times I ran after the approval of men. Spoiling my so called boyfriends who were half my age. Affected when I don't meet the so called political standards of my British boss. When I prioritize helping the needs of my siblings than my own, even if they already have their respective families. Giving into pleasure and post everything on social media - all the lies of everything is a perfect life. No, Christianity is a process, I am a work in progress. What's the use of pleasing all people, even pleasing my own self - looking for love in all the wrong things, in all the wrong people and in all the wrong places? What's the use of getting temporal pleasure of buying things, getting things, grabbing things - I want that, I want this, I want what they have, I don't have what they had? What's the use if God is not pleased? Ultimately the goal is to honor the Lord. I can no longer be the god of my own life - nothing good comes out of me. I am tired. I am weary. So out from the pit God held me with His right hand. It is time for me to walk, to take a step from where I have fallen. From taking a step back, even if I rise one time and fall down many many times over, even if I take a step forward and get back many many steps behind, even if they say that I am left behind and they all go ahead. I know now the One Who delivered and continues to deliver me every step of the way is Mighty to Save. He created the heavens and the earth. Yes the Mighty One loves me with an everlasting love... whom shall I fear?

Escape. Addiction to worry and fear is an escape. Because many times it is easy just to panic and worry rather than facing reality with ownership and responsibility. That I am accountable for my actions. That no one can decide and act for me except my own self, no one can and no one will. No, no one can decide for me, no one can choose for me, no one can walk for me, no, no one can fight for me. No one can go down by the pool side to do yoga for me. No, no one can arrange my calendar so I won't cram first thing at work. No, no one can save money for me, no one can prepare for my retirement except myself. No, no one can chase my dream for me - to have my own simple wooden house in the middle of a vegetable and fruit farm in a far away province... no, no one can reach out for all my dreams... except myself.