The Beach Bum Lady

Wisdom and Power

We were devastated with the news that a young beautiful mother who gave birth to a healthy baby of seven months died from bleeding. She and her husband were my childhood neighbors and church mates before. She's very young in her early thirties, her husband was a friend to my younger brother. I asked him how is he, he said he was crying inconsolably and still shocked with the loss.

"Step 2: We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
- Celebrate Recovery Daily Devotional

I cannot sleep the other day. I know my own time is also running out. Pastor Peter said he is more inclined to going to funerals rather than going to birthdays. Death is inevitable but it reminds us the brevity of human life. Life is indeed short, we do not know when and how. Pastor added that on one of his birthdays, he tried to jump out of a plane with his wife Deona. He said jumping out of the plane was like death, the fear of death and even the sting of death will never go away but we have the assurance that Jesus will carry us through. Yes Jesus will carry us through from death to life.

I have learned that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting same results. It is now about time for me to learn sanity.

"Insanity in this context is "doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different result each time." Sanity on the other hand, may be defined as "wholeness of mind; making decisions based on truth.""
- Day 4 Daily Devotional, Celebrate Recovery Bible

That I went from one wrong relationship to another. From one wrong financial choices to another. I went on sleeping with men I hardly knew. Only to find out in the end some of them were hooked on illegal drugs. I could have been killed or physically abused. The list goes on and on simply because I do not know what I value most, what really matters in life.

Like I said even if I am starting all over again with my celebrate recovery bible. But with Glorious Hope recovery program were almost finished and we are now on Step 11.

"We sought to improve our conscious contact with God through prayer and meditation."
- Glorious Hope Recovery is for everybody. Participant's Workbook 3 Yellow 2017 Edition

So how do I step out of the never ending cycle of my insanity? I have to replace them. How? First I have to ask God for wisdom and second for Power. Everything is inter connected. Before I can really apply this in action, I have to go back to Principle one - face my denial, admit my powerlessness to do the wrong things and stop escaping the reality that my life have become, continues to become unmanageable. While second Principle is my journey towards recovery.

"First, we are to pray for the knowledge of God's will for us, rather than asking God to fulfill our requests and submit to our will for ourselves. Praying to understand God's will is a way of relinquishing control to Him. It makes God the focus, the purpose, the direction, and the reason for our recovered lives. We come to a wonderful place of peace and serenity when our greatest desire and motive is to know what God wants us to do.

Second, we are to pray for the power to carry out God's will. It is pretty clear that faith in God will give us the power we need to carry out His will. But we must not misunderstand the nature of the trust and faith we need to have. Faith does not mean feeling more trust; it means taking action as a result of our trust in God, rather than doing nothing because we're letting God take over our lives. When God takes over our lives, we don't retire; rather, we are called to action."
-pages 315 to 316 The Book of Life Recovery, Inspiring Stories and Biblical Wisdom for Your Journey through the Twelve Steps by Stephen Afterburn and David Stoop

I mapped it out on the fine pages of my organizer planner. It will now be used finally, as before I hoard and greed for more and more organizers, planers, notebooks no matter how expensive and numerous they are. But I still ended in debt and disorganized.