Somewhere Else

Chapter 14: Where It All Started (i)

"No fair!" It's Zuzi again. She speaks up a lot in class, Something I can't ever imagine doing of my own accord. "What if I want to write in my native language? The British and the Swedes get to do that."

"Submit your essay to a university back home, then," Ludo drawls sardonically. Zuzi whips around in her seat to glare at him.

"Okay," Elina stops the brewing argument in its tracks before it can properly take off. "Enough, people. It's a fun thing to take part in if you want to, not something to fight about. Let's get back to class."

Elina starts handing out some worksheets, handing a stack to each person seated at both ends of the classroom. As the worksheets are being passed down the row, I flip through the stack of papers in my file.

In the middle of the pile is the pop quiz I've just done with Elina earlier that day, during our private session. My gaze falls on the almost-perfect score scribbled at the top of the page, beside Elina's encouraging scribble: 'Great job!'

Priscilla nudges me with the worksheets that have come around to our side of the class, and I take them from her automatically. I reshuffle the rest of the papers, placing the newest worksheet atop the stack.

The quiz paper is out of view now. I prop my chin up with my hand, covering my mouth so that nobody else can see the smile that suddenly sprung up on my lips.

***

I don't know how it begins, but somewhere along the line, I end up telling Priscilla all about Aksel. Not just about him, but also about our relationship and everything that happened in between my arrival and my departure from his life.

I also tell her about Aliisa. But mostly, I tell her about the text he sent.

"That's..." Priscilla struggles to find the words to describe my experiences. "A lot to go through in a few months' time."

I shrug, "I suppose that's what happens when you move somewhere else for someone other than yourself. Things get difficult."

"I wouldn't know about that," Priscilla says, "since I don't have experience with moving somewhere for someone... but I think it was a brave thing to do."

I shrug again, mutely this time. Tatiana has said something similar, but I have never felt brave or strong. All I did in Helsinki was rely on Aksel. It made me feel weaker than I have ever been.

"That Aliisa, though," Priscilla is shaking her head. "Why was she so rude?"

Tongue-in-cheek, I deadpan, "Must be the cultural difference."

Priscilla snorts with laughter. "Okay, I know he's important to you, but that was literally the stupidest thing he could have said about the issue."

"I know!" I exclaim. "Finally – someone who understands."

"Have you replied his text yet?" She wants to know.

"No. I don't know what to say."

She shakes her head. "He thinks you're back in Hamburg." She wrinkles her nose, as if the idea physically gives off a bad smell. "As if you're the type to do everything a guy orders you to do."

Her simplification of the situation makes me laugh. "That's one way to put it."

"I think," Priscilla says, tapping a finger to her bottom lip as she ponders the issue, "that you're going to have to visit him to get your stuff back. So even though you don't want to reply to him, you probably should."

The thought makes me blanch. "I don't know," I hedge. "I don't know if I can see him again."

"I could go with you, if you want," she offers. "Just to get it over with."