Chapter 15: The Road Not Imagined (i)

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It's starting to get colder.

I stare at the message, wondering what the hell he expects me to reply to that. Isn't it particularly un-Finnish, in fact, to be engaging in small talk, much less over text? It's what he's always told me, at least.

"Is it him again?" Zuzi laughs. She's giving me a pointed look from under sharply arched eyebrows. "Are you going to reply?"

I slide my phone across to her, so that she can read the notification bubble for herself. "What's there to reply?" I shrug, after she bursts out laughing.

Priscilla, presumably having caught sight of the screen as I was sliding it over, leans back in her seat. "He's been texting a lot since you went back to get your stuff from him," she comments. If I didn't know her too well, I would think that's a smirk at the corner of her mouth.

"Well," I say, shrugging again. "Yeah."

"Almost every day, I would say," Zuzi adds, with a wicked glint in her eye. She leans forward, as if it will bring her closer to what she seems to think is a show worth watching.

It is every day, but I don't say that. It will just give her more ammunition. I can already see what she and Priscilla are getting at.

But it's not what they think. If he had really wanted me to stay, he would have said so last Saturday.

I think it's in Aksel's blood to be nice. He was nice to Aliisa too, even when she was being rude to me. And now, even though he probably still thinks I should have gone back to Hamburg, he feels like can't leave me alone to fend for myself.

A part of me is grateful. And the rest of me is as indignant as I have been since I've arrived in Finland.

"Seems to me that someone is missing you," Priscilla says. "Maybe even regretting how things have turned out..."

I roll my eyes at her. "It's not true and you know it." I shrug, trying to look casual. "He's just being nice."

I would love to believe in her version of events, but I know well enough – if I let myself expect something more, my own wishful hopes have the power to rip my heart to shreds when reality finally hits.

Again.

"No guy tries this hard over text unless he's interested in something more," Zuzi says, infusing her words with an air of wisdom. Except that, in this case, she is wrong.

I shake my head. "No," I say, "it's different with Aksel." His name comes out sounding odd to me now. It stumbles off my tongue and lands with a splat – a far cry from the way it used to roll smoothly off my lips. "He feels responsible for bringing me here. That's why he's keeping in touch now. He's a nice guy, so he wants to help if he can."

I see the look that Zuzi and Priscilla exchange.

"It's true!" I insist, wondering how to explain it in a way that they can understand. They don't know Aksel. He's always looked out for me, even before anything happened between us. It has always been who he is. It doesn't mean anything.

He was the one who wanted the break up. Towards the end, he had made it very clear.

Priscilla finally raises both hands in a universal gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay," she says, "whatever you say, Emi. You know him best."

Zuzi snorts, but doesn't refute her.

Grateful that they're dropping the topic, I place the phone facedown on my table as Elina announces that discussion time is over.

"Shit," Zuzi says, then lowers her voice into a whisper as Elina turns to look sharply at her. "What were we supposed to be discussing, again?"

I stifle my laughter as Priscilla looks down at her neatly written notes. "Honestly? I have no idea."

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