One Tail at a Time

A Burden

This was meant to be a holiday, but not only am I exhausted and near tears, but I think I am coming very close to disliking my husband. I know he wants a daughter to complete his family and that perhaps he is trying to make up for lost time and all, but honestly, my body can't take much more abuse even if I do end up loving his kind of loving in the end. I really just want to be alone for a day or two and with nowhere else to hide seeing as he has found my one and only place to run to, I am now seriously considering leaving him here on the ship to return to Qing Qiu with Ye Hua and he can make love to an empty bed.

Of course I am just blowing off steam and becoming frustrated so ideas like this one briefly take hold before I come to my senses, but I really do want to talk to him about this quest for a daughter. Only it is while we are sitting down to breakfast that I finally realize where I have gone wrong. I have waited for the evenings to talk to him seeing as Ye Hua is constantly on the go, so nights are the only time we really have to ourselves. Only, now that it is morning and he is well and truly sated for at least a few hours, then I realize this is actually the best time to talk to him with or without Ye Hua here.

So I just say it and knowing he won't drag me back to our chamber for another round so quickly, I don't hold back either.

"Mo Yuan. My body is sore, I am over tired and all this love making is leaving me so exhausted that I am close to leaving." I say as he quietly chews his porridge thirty six times. "Now. I know you want a daughter, and you have possibly refound your youth, but all these back breaking moves is not only draining me of my energy, but I have had enough. I came on this holiday for a break, but so far the only one having a holiday is you." I say frankly and honestly before waiting for him to speak.

I have finally got it all off my chest, and if he can't take me seriously, then I probably will just leave. Though we still have two weeks left, so I am sure we can all enjoy the remainder of our time without the aerobics.

For the longest moment, "Very well. If you are tired, then rest." he finally says with a small smile.

There is something in that look, but I am quietly confident that I am being taken seriously, so I smile back, while Ye Hua giggles at the porridge in his hands which is running between his fingers. Mo Yuan has never been one to allow uncouth table manners, but with Ye Hua, he is surprisingly immune to the way the porridge is now slipping over the side of the bowl and all over the table. So watching on as he now picks up the spoon to help him eat, I finish my breakfast with a flourish before rising to spend the rest of the morning reading the manuals and leaving him with Ye Hua for the rest of the morning.

I take over in the afternoon, while Mi Gu will take him in the evening. This allows all of us a little down time while meeting for meals, and short outings when we hit the mainland to shop or just to feel land beneath our feet and of course, there is always plenty of time for family fun which I do look forward to.

Now lying flat on a deck chair, I slowly flick through Mo Yuans account of that war. Much of it is the strategies he utilized which I am already familiar with. I learned so much from him as a student, so by the time we reached the battlefield, I was already prepared for the layout of the arena, our formations and the multitude of soldier from every realm. So skipping ahead, I reach the final day of the battle and one that won't take long to read.

It was written no long after Mo Yuans return, and I guess he left out many of the finer details while choosing only to document what he felt was important at the time of writing. Actually, there are large gaps in his final account, because like me, I guess he just didn't want to dwell on it, but there is enough to have my mouth dropping.

The final battle between myself and that man is one that has been building for centuries. One or both of us will die today and having given everything of myself to ensure the safety of the world, while also ensuring my little Xiaobai is competent enough to protect herself, I am prepared to leave if it comes to that.

Only the close call at having lost her, suddenly has me wanting so badly to survive. Of course I will give everything I have in me to ensure that, but there is something else that has me thinking deeply just moments before my final battle.

I almost lost her, and it was at that very moment I realized, I would not be able to continue without her in my life should she die. She has had such a profound effect on me, that it is then I admit that I am truly in love with her, while also immensely saddened that I cannot have her.

Fate is surely twisted. My mother sent her to me, fate ensured she remained at my side and over the years, our bond grew into something neither of us were prepared for. But it just seems so unfair that both would send her to me as a Disciple. The oath to Kunlun Mountain is sacred and unbreakable. Not even I, the son of Heaven with a rank second only to Di Jun, can do anything about either. So I cannot help think that both my mother and fate are cruel and unethical.

Only the more I stare across the distance at that man on his horse, the higher my anger at fate grows and the deeper I consider what a life with her would be like should I break that oath and just walk away with her and damned the rest. Only in the end, the death of so many has me thinking of a plan and quickly. I want her, that much I do know and she is mine, because why else would she have sent to me.

So with that thought in mind, a plan of sorts begins to take hold. In the chaos, no one has ever escaped. But a long ago lesson from my father, has me once again bringing that lesson to mind. He had said I was a direct descendant of the chaos through him and my mother who were both born there. Because I have both of their energies running through my veins, I also have the ability to recreate myself should I ever die and scatter.

It is this thought that remains with me when I finally meet that Overlord for the last time along with Xiaobais new skills. I know it will work and I know it will take time, but if I am to take her as my own, this is something I must do in order to break the disciple bond and therefore setting us both free.

The battle itself went exactly as I knew it would. He had been weakened severely from our last battle, and it was showing. He made so many mistakes that I could so easily have taken his life, but to keep up the pretence of the battle, I drew it out until Liwei was in position. I knew without a doubt that he would use his son to take my life.

The Demons despised him because he was too weak, so leaving his son behind in a precarious state and without support was not an option. What better way to cement his sons place as the next Overlord, than to give him the glory of killing the War God? So maneuvering myself into position, I allowed that man to put me into a head lock and waited for my death.

My last memories before I scattered was of her beautiful face streaked with tears and an anger so violent that I knew that man would follow me. So giving her my final command to take him out, I then died in her arms.

And so for seventy thousand years, I battled a force more violent than every war I had ever fought in combined. It was a place so volatile and destructive, that finding one small piece of my soul was a battle all on its own, only I had to fight hundreds of thousands of them just to get to a point where I could finally recall her face. And it was only then that time spend up, because the will to continued came with the memory of her sweet smile.

Putting the book down in tears and disbelief, I sit here shocked beyond words. I recall those final moments as if they happened just yesterday, yet nothing in his demeanor or expressions gave away the fact that he was purposely aiming to die just so we could break the disciple bond and he would then be free to fight his way back again.

Putting the book down I rise to my feet with only him in mind. I know I just told him that his love making is becoming a burden, but it no longer matters anymore, not having just read how he struggled every physical and spiritual discomfort just to be with me, to have a family of his own and precious memories to make which he thought he would never have.

And suddenly I am running. I don't ever want him to feel as if he is a burden, or an annoyance that I have to run and hide from. If anything, I am feeling like a selfish and ungrateful woman who doesn't deserve him. And the moment he comes into view, then not only is he in my arms and being smothered by me, but I have a surprise for him, one I think he will like very much.