One Tail at a Time

Full Circle

The guests are arriving and I am not even dressed yet.  I can hear mother through the window welcoming her sister and her husband, along with Donghua who is on time and of course Shanhu but there is another voice with him and one I know so well.  It is Die Feng, so it looks as if he was able to get away which I am super happy about.  And according to Shanhu, Zi Lan and Chang Shan are also coming which is awesome.  I saw the two of them the last time I visited Kunlun Mountain, though I only go there now to visit with them rather than relive all the old memories.

And going by the loud roar which I also know so well, Cheng Bao has just arrived.  He is even bigger than before and super hairy!  He has a full grown beard and with his long hair which he now wears partially bound, he looks ever bigger.  He really is a giant of a man but his jovial laughter is still the same as it has always been.   Actually, he reminds me a lot of Zhe Yan and Fu Yu in that he can find the humour in almost anything, and right now he is regaling mother with his exploits in the west where his people are from.

Now attaching one of my old hairpins that Shifu gave me when I was little, I take a quick look at myself.  My dresses are no longer like the ones he used to buy me,  and nor are they tight fitting like the Goddesses of the Celestial heavens wear.  I now prefer a fuller flowing gown in pastels which I guess I am known for,  and the pretty yet simple peach blossom pin is the perfect addition to any one of my dresses.  

Deciding to add a little blush to my cheeks and a little gloss similar to the one Shifu gave me all those years ago, I take one final look at myself before turning to leave only to come to a halt at the sight of my father standing in the doorway looking all gooey eyed and smiling most softly at me.

"You don't need me to tell you how lovely you look....." he says softly before entering the room with his arms open.  "But let me be the first to hold you today." he says with his head lowering on top of mine and his arms fully enveloped about my body which he is drawing in tightly.

"Father......" I laugh but only to hide the embarrassment at the soppiness of his words.   My father is not a tender eyed sweet talker.  At least not with us children he isn't though his eyes are always soft and gooey for mother, so this hug is most precious and I meld into like a child.

It doesn't last long enough because he is now pulling away to look at me again before I have to face our guests who are now picking up the loud talk, I can even hear Donghua who generally doesn't speak loudly, so it seems as if my birthday is well under way.

Placing my hand into the crook of his arm so he can lead me out, I smile at his awkwardness because as I said, tenderness just isn't his style, but he does look super proud at being the one to lead me as if he is walking me towards a future husband or something which instantly has me thinking of Shanhu for some reason.

I know father likes him a lot and there have been little hints over the years, but I always avoided them, only after my talk with Shanhu yesterday, well its very hard not to think of him as a possibility when I know his feelings for me have left the Discipleship behind which suddenly makes me very nervous and its not just Shanhu making me so either.  But all of my brothers.  They are and always have been an integral part in my life even after Shifus passing.  All of them have remained close friends in fact its strange thinking about it now, as father leads me out towards them, there are still no females among them.  I have no female friends, only my family which does bring back to mind, my birthday that those three girls attended along with my brothers and what happened that day.

Actually thinking about it now, I have not celebrated a single birthday that they were not a part of it, in fact, this will be the first celebration of my birthday that Shifu is not a part of and I can't help but feel the overwhelming sadness but also a gratefulness.  Because I have a feeling that this birthday might actually be my first successful one.  I know its a morose thought but it seems as if every birthday party I have held up until now, something terrible happened and Shifu was a part of it.  Still I would give anything in the world to see him standing among my friends and family when I finally make an appearance, even if it does mean another ruined birthday party.