*~Langston one shots~*

love Bentley

I held you for every second of your life, and I'll love you for every second of mine.

September- 28th

"It's been six months since you grew wings.

Has it really been half a year?

I count each second of every day, and I wish you where here.

It's been six months since you grew wings, and tears still fall from the pain.

I think about you constantly, your face is burned into my brain.

It's been six months since you grew wings.

Yet it seems not long ago.

I can close my eyes and still feel you.

How I wish you didn't go.

It's been six months since you grew wings, and this world still feels so strange.

My heart still hurts from missing you, but that will never change.

It's been six months since you grew wings.

Some say I've had time to heal, but the pain and emptiness still makes it hard to deal.

It's been six months since you grew wings, but I love you just the same.

My days are filled with your memories, and your picture in a frame.

It's been six months since you grew wings.

Has it really been half a year?

I'll close my eyes, say a prayer, and still wish you were here."

Losing a child is the hardest thing you could ever go threw. I lost my baby at seven months along, it was the biggest heartbreak I could ever imagine. I'll never forget the moment the doctor offered her condolences. 'I'm sorry, your baby has died', she said. I couldn't believe her. I had tried so hard for so long. I couldn't give up.

Danny took me to my obgyn appointment, relaxed, I chatted away about my baby shower, our friends where trowing the following day. I mentioned that I hoped the baby doesn't make an appearance beforehand. I hopped on the bed and she took out her ultrasound machine that she would use to listen to the heartbeat. I was calm, she had used it in every other appointment and she always detected a strong heartbeat. Our baby was apparently very active. I told Danny our daughter Payton, who was waiting very impatiently at home, would be so excited to see her baby brother.

After a few minutes, the doctor was having difficulty finding the heartbeat with the machine, but she told me not to worry. She eventually got another doctor to check, who again was having difficulty, so they told me to come with them for a quick scan. I started to panic and Danny held my hand. He told me there was nothing to worry about because our baby was a fighter.I felt my mouth become dry and my heart start to race when they hurried me into a room where I lay on the bed ready for my scan.

The nurse looked at Danny sympathetically and rubbed my arm.

"Im so sorry." She said. She explained to me that our baby had died. In a panic I began to cry. I could still feel him moving inside of me. I could feel him kicking and squirming. I told Danny she was lying because I could feel him. I quickly placed Danny's hand on my stomach for him to feel. The nurse explained to me that what I was feeling was called phantom fetal movement. I couldn't except the fact, it was just to hard. I asked her again in a moment of disbelief and despair, how she could be sure.

"There is no heartbeat." She replied politely.

I jumped off the bed as they tried to wipe the gel off my stomach. I looked at Danny who was standing in shock next to me, hoping this wasn't true. While they hurried us into another room, I grabbed Danny's hand white knuckled. I couldn't let go, my body wouldn't let me. Danny was calm and told me it was ok. But our baby was gone. A thousand emotions hit me at that point. I was in utter shock, this couldn't be happening to me it couldn't. I asked if they could just take the baby out right then and save him but they said they couldn't. Apparently, Danny asked the nurse same thing.