There is only one thing I'm good at. Overthinking. Overthinking causes me to worry.
Thanks to over thinking I have 100 more things to worry about. My head is racing. Running. Searching. Craving. What it's craving exactly, I have no idea.
I've been finding it hard to sleep. Yet to sleep brings me some sense of peace. For a few hours I'm not thinking. I'm not worrying. For a few minutes I'm blank. Clear of thoughts and emotions.
I like being clear of emotions. It makes me feel free. Being numb is a freedom, it makes me relish in the ways of living.
There are two types of people.
The people who live. They embrace their emotions that cloud their minds. They fight for what they want. They will do whatever will make them and the people around them happy. They embrace who they are and it makes them feel free.
The other type of pieole who just survive. Survival is nothing like living. When people are surviving they block out their emotions. They go along for the ride not fighting or pushing or trying to get anything they want. They will make other people to no end but their happiness is non-existent. These people are trapped and lost inside themself. Inside their own heads.
Why do these types of people exist? People of the world around them. The world constantly feels the need to bring people down. To trap people in time. The world doesn't allow people to be free. Instead it throws things at them, to break them. The world wants to push people down. To hold them back.
What everyone has in common though is that no matter what, you have people that care about you. You care about people. No matter how hard you try to push your emotions down to conseal how you feel. You may try to keep people at a safe distance to save yourself from the pain of losing people that you allow yourself to care for.
People care about you. You may deny it but there is someone out there that will do whatever they can for you. To make you happy. To make you smile. To bring you back into the world of the living.
You may live or you may survive. Either way you're loved. Allow yourself to love too otherwise your just become lost in an endless pit of loss, pain and loneliness.
