Birthdays are days to be happy. Birthdays are days to be with families. Birthdays are meant to be lived and loved and cared for by the people you care about and love the most.
My birthday is next month. For the first time in 10 years my dad is going to he around. I'll be 15. I'm dreading it. I'm scared. Will he want to see me? Will he remember? Does he remember how old I am? Was it a mistake? Talking to him. Getting back in his life. He has a family now. He seems happy. I'm selfish for thinking I could just have my dad. Have my mum. My sister's. My brother. I was selfish for thinking it would help me.
My birthday I can already guess what's going to happen. I'll wake up. I'll put my best fake smile on. I'll open presents. My mum and step dad will argue. Thought out the day I might get a couple "happy birthday" messages from a few people who remember. I don't mind that nobody remembers. I hope they don't. I don't want to turn 15. I don't want to turn 16 after. I don't want to keep getting older. I wonder what's going to go wrong this year. What's going to happen this year? Who's going to hurt me this year?
There's this guy. He's sweet. But he says he wants to be with me. I don't know if I should believe him. If I should trust him. I hate trusting people. Every time I trust people I get hurt. I don't want to be hurt anymore. I'm trying to fix myself. Maybe this year nobody hurts me. I've finally got a semi fresh page. Maybe this year I can have something real. Something that makes me happy. Maybe this year I can work to make myself happy. To fix myself.
Or maybe I'll crash and burn. Maybe I'll get more broken. I don't know if that's possible. But it's happened before. I want this year to be different. I want this year to be better then last. I want to be better then I am. But that's probably never gonna happen. I shouldn't set such high goals. Oh well. Being broken is kind of my thing.
One last question. When's your birthday?
