Betray Me Softly

32: The Truth Revealed (Part 2)

-some people are worth the pain-

Kivanc

Kivanc couldn't concentrate. Speeding down the empty roading with the evening sky high up, he was losing grip. His bike was shaking. There was a bump in the road, a small sensation, yet he didn't bother because his heart...it was so weighted and heavy.

All his life, he unconsciously chased after normalcy; finding the woman who made his heartbeat and made him feel so alive. He had believed that it was just a fool's wistful dream. He had steeled his heart, rotten his senses to blend in his father's world and stop bothering, until he found her. Now thinking about her, Lina...her smile...the way she shyly hid her smile behind her hands and looked at him with so much adoration...it was so painfully heartwarming and breath-taking. Kivanc increased the speed of his bike as emotions hit him hard.

He loved her. He loved her so much that it hurt.

He thought of the time when he first saw her as a spoiled girl with captivating eyes, wondered about living in a moment where he didn't know the truth, didn't know about her kind smiles and the way she brightened his world. But then again, what would a world be where he hadn't got to meet Lina, fall in love with her: the love of his life. He was miserable, alone and had stopped caring about anyone, and then she came...

The way she laughed, smiled, held onto his arm as he shared rotten pieces of his heart. It had started with a slap on the cheek and ended up in completing stealing his heart.

Now moving past speed-breakers, Kivanc looked at the darkened and nearly empty streets welcoming him with so much bleakness. They were cautioning him that the payment of his sins was near. The midnight criminals had lurked towards the corners and the eerie sensation of poverty mixed with unhealthy torture was resurfacing in the air. 

Turning towards the alleys that led to Food Street, he knew that it was time. He had to tell her. This was the promise he had made to his soul. Yet, for the first time in his life, his powerful fists and strong demeanour felt trembling with a terribly-lonesome weakness. The darkness roared out loud.

Life with Lina had been such a welcoming surprise. It felt worth being a warrior. She made him happy...so fortunate. And, for him, a life without her would again lose its colours. He wanted to scream out to the world that he loved his woman, that a criminal, like him had found his woman.

Disgusted and devastated; a soul-jolting pain arose as he imagined how Lina was going to react to his truth. Just imagining the look on her face as she listened to his involvement made him squeeze the bike handles again in pain and keep staring at the darkened gravel of the road. The intensity of his emotions made him realize that he had been naive to think that he would be better than her ex and so bravely confess the reality. 

He had been so arrogant when he had judged Lina's first husband for not being brave enough, been was so sure that he wouldn't be a coward and take care of Lina, but when his father had announced the time of Lina's first husband to be punished, something horrible had settled in Kivanc's heart. It was dread, intense fear... it was the cost. Just when he had got to know about her personality, got to laugh at her jokes, he had realized that he could lose it all because of his mistakes and responsibilities.

Now closing his eyes in misery, Kivanc imagined a fantasy where he could live a normal life with Lina and their little Feri. He imagined himself as an average corporate employee and pictured a scenario where he would drive back home with his wife and child-welcoming him while sporting huge, warm grins. There would be no mafia business, no hurtful wounds and reasons.

Like an everyday dad, he would playfully tease his wife over her extensive shopping habits, spoil his children, and despite his habits of nagging about his wife, he would secretly be in complete love with his wholesome family. This was his dream.