Betray Me Softly

6: He Remembers

-Some memories stay forever-

Reasons; All I had wanted to know were those reasons. I would have stayed and accepted his decision if he had shown me that still adore me. I would have been strong enough if I knew that he was still holding on and would have even tried to adjust with his other woman. I would have shown my loyalty by being a good and supportive wife...would have done anything. But, he had offered me none. I knew he had no reasons. He was just softening the pain for me...the pain that he no longer wanted me. Getting separated from him was actually inevitable.

 He would have left me, eventually.

He hadn't hurt our bond by marrying Neha. He had destroyed it by making me watch, forcing me to hold on and being cowardly to confess that he no longer felt powerful emotions for me. 

1 Year Later

Lina

A whole year had passed since my separation...

One whole year had changed me completely. Smiles and laughs suddenly foreign emotions for me. I had morphed into this extremely bitter and miserable person who knew that she had to keep herself from feeling because emotions hurt. 

I had suppressed it all. 

The fact that everything seemed to happen in a blink of an eye had shown my value in Mehdi's life. He hadn't even given me a chance or reasons. Even after our separation, I was hinted at with no clues. Nothing. 

My emotions had been right. 

It was all about him falling out of love and feeling too cowardly to confess his sins. He had chosen another but was just too weak to accept that.

He had bought an apartment in the city where he would drop off Feri and allow me to meet her on the weekends or any other day. I was actually glad that I got to be my Feri, even if it was for a few hours. My heart had literally shattered when she first reunited with me in the apartment and hugged me so tight, sobbing for me to pick her up. I felt so terrible for having my baby suffer this much. 

She had told me about how Aunt Neha would play with her all day and help her bake so many delicious sweets and cookies. Though, crushed, I was glad that Neha wasn't hurting Feri. The thought of Feri ever being hurt terrified me. I didn't know what I would do if she ever got hurt. She used to get so sick when little. It used to shake my heart whenever she sneezed or coughed. But, with time, her health started stabilizing. 

Bonding with my daughter, my determination to earn money had grown even more strong. I wanted Feri next to me, always. I wanted to do all those things she was doing with Neha. 

Handing 3 to 4 jobs in a week, most of my time would be spent among the busy crowd of the food street or at the Sher motel. My jobs were low-paying and tedious, but they kept me busy and distracted enough to not allow me to think. 

Feeling and thinking would be my downfall. 

Now getting fired from a job at a local bookshop, I found myself sitting on a bench in the Shalimar gardens that were located near the food street. My head cupped. My job at the bookshop was the only one paying me a bag of coins. 

I felt like every time I stepped forward, my feet would lose their grip and I would fall. 

I was failing badly in becoming this independent and strong woman. 

Books and stories had tried to dim this side of reality. Strength and money weren't gained through determination. One needed circumstance to help along and time to spare moments. 

With the morning sun slowly rising before, I wondered how exactly I would find my footing again and when I would have Feri fully by my side. 

The morning sun had just risen, and there were chills of the night still lingering in the air. I felt too bothered by the cold because I had lost the warmth in my arm. Wallowing in self-pity, I felt a woman sit a few spaces away from me. She was holding a bag and soon started throwing seeds at the pigeons flying around. I eyed her with a curious look. The content look on her face made me feel envious. She seemed in her late thirties and in a peaceful mood.