Out Of Reach [ Phanfiction ]

Chapter 4: Understand

I stayed at Phil's the whole afternoon. Phil's parents went out for dinner together so we were alone. I texted my mom I was at Phil's. She knew I had kind of a fight with him, but she didn't know what about. Well, she knew it was settled.

"Have you seen this?", Phil said excited, while pulling out a black, plastic box from under his bed. He took off the lid, the whole box was filled with colourful and fluffy hats. Including the hat he wore when I met him. The cozy, purple pom pom hat with light blue touches. He took the hat and put it on my head. I smiled at him, making him smile too. He was so damn cute when he did that little half smile he always did. I wasn't even sure if he was aware that he did it. His hands searched around in the box. He pulled out a lion hat and put it on.

"You know, I can't see your pretty eyes if your hair's in front of it", he said and brushed the hair out of my face with his fingers, causing my hair to fall right back. I giggled. Phil was mine again. I had my friend back.

I slightly bit my lip while staring at his. He knew I wanted more. I wanted a second kiss. Or more than just one. "Phil, only if you really wan-", I got interrupted by Phil's soft pink lips pressing onto mine. The same as I kissed him once. "Just, shut up", he whispered and soon after continued what he was doing.

"So, what are we?", I asked when the second -actually third- kiss ended. Phil sighed and looked down. "Whatever you want us to be", he said while playing with his the pom pom on his hat. I saw him blush.

"Ever since the first day we met," I started, "I have liked you. I first fell for those beautiful blue eyes that seem to become more and more beautiful everytime I look at them", I said while gently pulling his chin up with my hand so he would look at me. "And then your awesome personality. I tried to deny I liked you. I thought I had gone crazy. I, Daniel James Howell, definitely liked girls", I said, putting the emphasis on "liked".

"Dan, I had to tell you earlier why I came to your school. I got bullied on my old school", he took a beep breath. "I was bullied because I came out. If I went to a new school, no one could ever know. I didn't want to risk getting bullied again."

Phil's eyes became watery. I pulled him into a hug. I loved these hugs. Warm, squishy hugs. "I know the feeling. I got bullied too", I confessed. "Why? You are perfect in every way, I can't think of something about you that anyone could hate. How could anyone ever hate you?", he asked. "They did this to me. Well ehm, I did, but they made me do it. I had to", I said while slowly rolling up the sleeve of my right arm. My paper clip shaped scars became visible.

"It was my only way of escaping the pain", I explained. "Can I-?", Phil asked and gently took my arm into his hand. He looked at the scars and carefully touched them with his middle and index finger. He tilted his head a little. "Is this one erm, 'fresh'?", he asked while pointing at the red spot. I nodded. "Y-Yesterday", I stuttered.

"Is it my fault?", he asked. I didn't say anything back, instead my vision became blurry again because of the tears in my eyes. Damn, I was such a cry baby.

"I'm sorry Phil. I'm just so sorry", I said while Phil rubbed my back. "No, I am. I was the cause. It's my fault." When he pulled back I saw him crying too, a little. "Let's stop crying now and eat dinner please. I'm starving", I said and wiped the tears off my face.

-

We patiently stood in front of the microwave while it warmed up our left over mac and cheese. While staring at the creamy, soft cheese melting, I didn't notice Phil had walked away.

He walked over to the living room to turn on the radio. "Thinking out loud" by Ed Sheeran started playing. I smirked at Phil. He knew exactly what I was thinking and already walked towards me. He laid his head on my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my neck. I put my arms on his hips and we slowly swayed on the music. I sang together with the music and I heard -and felt- Phil hum.

"This is perfect", I whispered while I gently placed a kiss on his forehead. We were suddenly dragged out of our thoughts when we heard the microwave go "DING!".