Out Of Reach [ Phanfiction ]

Chapter 2: Move

[ Trigger warning ]

Me and Phil spent our afternoons together the past few weeks. Most of the time we were gaming, hanging around, being on our phones showing each other pictures we found on Tumblr or 9GAG or we just made homework together. Basically like every sixteen-year-old. I finally had a friend. My friend.

I liked him a lot. I really liked him, in a way he will probably never like me. Should I tell him that I'm...?

"D'you have any Pokémon games?", Phil randomly asked, breaking the silence. I looked at him with my most sarcastic face ever. "What do you think? Who's your favourite?", I asked while getting the games out of my "game drawer". He lifted his hoodie up, showing a dark purple shirt with the face of a Pokémon on it. "No way! Gengar is my favourite too!"

The wind outside kept growing stronger, making the branches of the trees dance. It was also darker than usually. The sky was covered in big, dark, grey clouds. Before I knew it, rain fell down the skies. Buckets and buckets and buckets. "Looks like it's staying like this for a while. I better text my mom", Phil said, assuming he couldn't go home.

Quarter past six. We basically played Pokémon Pearl together the whole afternoon, Phil being way better than me. "Pppprrrrf...", a sound escaped from Phil's stomach. "Erm, sorry. I usually eat around this time", Phil said. "You could eat with us. I'm sure my mom will think it's fine. Come, we'll go downstairs", I said and left my room, expecting Phil to follow me downstairs.

We walked into the kitchen. "Mom, is it okay if Phil eats with us? I don't know how long the storm is going to last, and Phil's mom thinks it's okay", I asked hopefully. "Of course Daniel. We have Indian curry today."

At dinner Phil sat across from me, where my dad normally sat, but he had to work late again. There was something about Phil that I really really liked. He was adorable. His little twinkle in his eyes when he smiled was perfect. Dan, what? Stop it. Focus. Curry. I mentally face palmed myself.

"Is it something, dear? Why aren't you eating?", my mom asked. "I eh, I was daydreaming a bit", I lied. Well, lied, I did daydream a bit. About Phil. About his cute little awkward laugh. The adorable sounds he makes while gaming. The way he... No Dan. Stop it. You don't like boys. You are straight. You are not starting to fall in love with your best friend. Don't.

"It's really good Mrs Howell", Phil said. "Thank you dear, but please don't call me that, it makes me feel old", she said jokingly. "Can we go upstairs again? I'm not hungry anymore and I think Phil left his backpack upstairs anyway", I asked. "Of course, but you'll do the dishes tomorrow young man", she said pointing a finger at me. "Promise."

We both walked upstairs again. Phil walked in front of me. Oh my God. Bum... How come I never noticed his oh so cute bum? Don't.

Once in my room, Phil collected all his stuff while I looked outside. "I guess the storm's clearing up a little", I said while moving the curtain a bit so I could see more. "Yeah I should probably go home. I still have some homework and I think my mom will miss me."

When it fully stopped raining, Phil decided to go home. "So, I'll see you tomorrow at school I guess?", I said while standing on the doorstep, Phil was already a few steps outside. "I guess. Bye!" So many things rushed through my mind. "Phil wait!", I said and ran after him. Without thinking, I pressed my lips onto him.

Just a quick kiss, only about one or two seconds. No passionate one. Just one like your mother used to give you when you had achieved something.

I didn't want to wait for his reaction. I just saw him stare at me, confused, with his big, blue, oh so beautiful eyes. Out of embarrasment, I ran back inside, quickly closing the door behind me. What on earth did I do? I goddamn kissed my best friend. I punched the wall out of anger. I was angry at Phil. No, angry at myself. "Shit! Fuck, fuck!", I shouted with tears in my eyes. I bit my lip as hard as I could, trying not to cry.

I ran upstairs, once in my room I started searching for my lighter and paperclip. I was heavily breathing and tried to calm down while I held the almost fully unfolded paperclip in the flame. Once it was glowing, I rolled up my sleeve and pressed it against the skin of my inner right arm, onto the other scars that were slightly visable. More tears rolled down my cheeks. What the hell are you doing Dan?

I removed the paperclip from my arm. I slowly started to realise what this would mean for the future. I would lose my only and best friend. He would tell his mother and she would tell mine. My parents couldn't find out. No one could find out.