My Strict Professor

Chapter 17

Mandy's pov

Nanlalambot akong napaupo sa may table ko matapos lumabas ni Hailey sa classroom.

Am i too much?

Did i hurt her that much?

Masyado bang sumobra ung mga sinabi ko? But it wasn't my intention to hurt her! It wasn't my intention to say those words to hert Im just. I just feel worried. I feel worried about her! Nag alala ako sa kanya! Hindi ba nya maintindihan yon?! Pano nalang kung sa paggalaw nya ng aircon ay naputukan sya? Nakuryente sya? Pano kung nung pumutok ung aircon ay malapit sya don at nasaktan sya?

I'm angry because I felt worried!

And I didn't expected that she will misunderstood me! I mean yes, idinaan ko lang naman sa pag susungit ko ung pag aalalang nararamdaman ko. And it's my fault, I know. Pero bat naman kasi kailangan pa nyang galawin ung aircon! Bat naman kasi ang kulit kulit nya at nakisali pa sya sa laro! Edi sana hindi kami nag aaway ng ganito!

I wanna calm myself right now! But how can I do that? For Pete's sake! Hailey's crying face started to flash at my head and I feel so fuckin guilty! Where the hell did I found the courage to make her cry! Panong pinaiyak ko ung isa kong student na wala namang ginawa kundi tulungan kami sa ibat ibang bagay?

I can clearly remember how pain registered to her face and how the tears started to fell at her beautiful eyes.

I hurt her. I do hurt her. I fuckin hurt her!

Can I turn back the time and choose not to tell those words to her? Or can I just wipe those tears that falling into her eyes? Or can I just- Yah, I have nothing to do with it cos I already hurt her. I already made her cry.

It's been 30 minutes since Hailey left and I still don't know how to move because of what happened. I can tell that yes, Im really affected of what happened and I dont know why. Siguro kasi student ko si hailey tapos pinaiyak ko sya? It's my first time making someone cry! And it's like breaking my own heart!

I think I don't have the guts to talk to her if we suddenly meet. Nanghihina ako kapag kaharap sya. Nanghihina ako kapag nakikita ko ung mata nya na nakatingin sakin. And I dont know fucking why! Idinadaan ko ung panlalambot ko sa pagsusungit kaya siguro kung ano anong salita na ang nasasabi ko sa kanya. Dahil sa mga iniisip ko ay hindi ko na namalayang may tumulo na ring luha sa mga mata ko.

Why am I hurting?

Shit!

What am feeling right now? I cant explain it! I dont know it! I dont know why am I crying. Is it because I feel bad for making someone cry? Is it because I'm confuse of what I am feeling right now? Or is it because I saw her hurting because of me? I automatically shake my head because of that thought and quickly wipe my eyes to stop it from crying.

What am thinking? I think, it's just because l'm so stress and tired right now! That's all! No one is involve! Since it's already 1 pm, I just decided to go to the library to wait for my next class. Nawalan na din naman ako ng gana kumain. I busied myself from reading different kinds of books but the scene that happened earlier makes me feel uneasy and unfocussed.

Damn! Why does it have to be keep replaying at my mind! I just! I can't remove it! I lightly slapped my face for maybe ten times just to remove those not so good thoughts of mine. I need to focus! I still have 4 more classes!

"Wanna share some thoughts?"

I quickly turn my gaze at my right side and only to see Maam girly standing beside the bookshelf.