I Hate You But I Love You

12.

I know it took me forever this time and I'm really sorry for that. First my inspiration and soon also my motivation went down the drain and then a was not satisfied with what I had written. I don't know how many times I rewrote this chapter and to be honest I'm still not entirely satisfied but I figured I couldn't let you wait any longer. So here you go.

As they were sitting at the table waiting for Steve to be ready with cooking, Nat looked to her right and saw Wanda nervously fiddling with her fingers and staring off to space. She immediately knew that something was bothering the brunette. "What's wrong? Are you okay?" She asked. "Yeah it's nothing. I'm fine." Wanda answered. Natasha thought about leaving it there and giving Wanda her private space but she kept fiddling with her fingers. "Okay, seriously Wanda, what's wrong? Something is clearly bothering you." Nat said getting worried. Usually Wanda didn't behave like this. "Actually there's nothing wrong. I just wanted to tell you guys something." She said while Steve entered carrying a pot of noodles. Everyone now looked at her expectantly. She quickly glanced at Vision who smiled back at her. "Well... um... I wanted to tell you that Vision and I are dating now." Wanda said and slipped her fingers through Vision's.

Natasha's throat went dry and her smile faded. Her heart shattered to pieces as she asked herself how she could've been so stupid to believe that Wanda would ever feel the same. Nat could feel eyes on her and looked up to see Steve looking at her sympathetically. She stood up and put her plate away. Her appetite was long gone and she just wanted to be alone.

"Hey Nat, what are you doing?" Wanda asked her. "Um... You know I just realized that I'm not really hungry. But I'm really tired so I'm just gonna go to bed." She lied, fighting to hold back tears. Wanda quickly jogged up to her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you first. I wanted to but this just seemed like a great opportunity to tell everybody." Wanda said taking Nat's behaviour completely wrong. "Oh... Don't be. It's fine. I'm... Really happy for you two." Natasha said forcing a smile. "Are you sure you're ok? You seem a little off. " Wanda said eyeing her worriedly. She bit her lip, hard enough to draw blood before answering. "Yeah I'm fine. Like I said I'm just tired." Nat replied. "Ok then sleep well." Wanda smiled. Nat just manged to nod before turning and walking away. Wanda glanced after her worriedly for a few seconds before turning back to eat.

When Nat got to her room she locked the door let herself fall against it before sliding it down. She slung her arms around her knees as the tears she had been holding back began to fall. How could she have been so stupid? As if Wanda would ever feel the same. Love is just for children.

Just as she calmed down a bit someone knocked on the door. Her breath catched in her throat. The person probably heard her cry.

"Nat? It's me. Let me in?" Steve said through the door. She debated for a few seconds but he most definitely heard her cry so she stood up and opened the door. Right away she was embraced in a big pair of arms. She laid her head against his chest and began to cry again. He closed the door behind them and walked them to her bed. They sat down and Natasha continued to cry into his chest.

"I'm so sorry Nat." He said after she claimed down. "It's ok. I'm fine." She said. "Oh come on. You're clearly not fine. Talk to me. I just want to help you." He said. "I don't know what to say. It just hurts so much. I actually wanted to tell her today after dinner. Now I'm glad I didn't get the chance. I would've made a complete fool out of myself. And I don't want to feel like that. I don't want it to hurt. I'm so angry at myself that I let this happen. That I let myself fall for her. And that I believed she would ever feel the same. I'm just so stupid." She admitted and looked to the ground.

"Don't say that. You're not stupid. And don't be angry at yourself. You can't control what you feel. It's her loss that she doesn't feel the same and you shouldn't blame yourself for that. You're a great woman and if she doesn't see that she doesn't deserve you. I know it hurts but you will get over her. Believe me. It takes some time but you will get over her. Maybe you just need some distance" He said.

"Yeah, you're probably right. Can I spar with Sam tomorrow?" She asked him. "Of course. I'll train with Wanda and you'll train with Sam. And when you think it's ok to swap back again then just tell me. And it doesn't matter how long you need. Until you say otherwise we change partners." He assured her. "Yeah that sounds good. But if it's alright with you I'd like to be alone for bit." She siad. "Of course." He said and made his way to the door.

"And Steve?" She said when he reached for the doorknob. "Yeah?" He said and turned so he could face her. "Thank you. For being there for me." She said looking down, fiddling with her fingers. "That's what friends are for. I figured you wouldn't feel that great." He smiled. "Yeah well 'not that great' is probably the understatement of the year." She said. "You'll get over her." He said once again. She just nodded and then he left.