56:\\ Kindness

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Stacy

"Violet, please pick up." I tapped my fingers impatiently on the phone. I needed to talk to her. I might've been a jealous bitch before, but I've come to terms with everything now. And now I had nobody; absolutely no one to tend to my pathetic emotional wounds.

I was sitting in the hospital waiting room outside of Jared's room all alone; and Jared was gone. Somebody had hit-and-run, killing him in the process. My eyes were blobs of tears at this point. I was just starting to have feelings for him and then out of nowhere, he's gone.

Really goes to show how much I should value my living friends and show them my appreciation before something as horrific as death comes to their door and I'm stuck wishing I had said goodbye or I love you and crying, just crying.

I might not have known Jared too well, but I knew we had a connection. I felt it; and then it was gone. Like a light switch, everything changed. I realized the world had lost a lovely soul and it would never be the same.

"Hello?" I heard her voice on the line as another voice spoke in the background. She sounded like she was in a crowded location.

"Violet? Is that you?" I asked, knowing it was a stupid question to ask, but I didn't think she would answer my call.

"Yeah." Her soothing voice was on the other line and it only made me want to cry some more.

"I..." I was speechless as my voice cracked and I couldn't coherently say anything without it sounding like a hazy blubbery sound. Violet stayed silent on the other end of the line as I held back a sob.

"Who is it?" A voice asked from somewhere in her vicinity, the voice sounded distant, but it was recognizable. Aaron, who else would it be than him.

I didn't hear her response, just a jumble of curse words coming from Aaron. I assumed she'd mouthed my name to him and he got upset; he was uncomfortably protective of Violet; I didn't understand it; I wished someone could be that protective of me. Yet any chance I had at Love was gone. I felt so hopeless. I felt empty.

There was no light at the end of my hopeless tunnel. I was a lone rock in a world full of shiny stars and I could only hope to try to blend in. I bit my cheeks as uncontrollable tears streamed down my face.

"C...can you pick me up? I... I need to talk to... someone right now." I whispered as tears streamed down my face. I stood up and walked toward the room that Jared was in; I saw them cover Jared's face and place him in the hospital bag. That was it; it was too real. I began hiccuping as loud sobs began escaping my body.

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. I assumed she'd muted herself to talk to Aaron. I had no other way to get home. My parents car was at the dealership today getting the engine changed and that was the only car we owned. Mom had dropped it off after she dropped me off at school this morning; the people at the dealership had driven her home.

"Where are you?" Violet finally asked, her voice sounded strained, upset even. I wondered if she'd been arguing with Aaron, I wondered how she was. Was she healthy and happy? I hope so, Aaron seemed like the kind of caring, compassionate guy to make a girl happy.

"The hospital." I hiccuped, barely getting the words out before another loud sob escaped my mouth as I saw them move him to the gurney and begin walking toward the elevator. "Jared... he... he's...." I whispered through the sobs, trying to keep it down as nurses tried to console me. I couldn't bring myself to say the word. I almost choked trying to say the word.

"Is he okay?" Violet asked. We had all witnessed the scene earlier, yet only I had decided to hop in the ambulance. I'd held his hand the entire time as he'd zoned in and out of consciousness. I cried against his chest as the paramedics had pulled me aside when we arrived and rushed him upstairs. I prayed to the good lord, that I hadn't spoken to in years, that he would live. And I heard a voice tell me that everything happens for a reason. And just because it does, doesn't mean that it won't hurt.

I took a deep breath before being able to speak again, "Jared's d...dead." The hot tears stung against my ice cold face.

It can't be true. He's not dead. He was literally walking around fine at school not even an hour ago. He can't be dead.

I followed behind them until they stopped at the elevator, "I'm sorry Miss, only family is allowed down with him." One of them said as I continued to cry. I didn't understand why it hurt so much.

I had so many regrets about how I had treated him. I wished he could come back so I could apologize and tell him I wanted to be more. I wished I hadn't kept myself from thinking he would reject me. We were supposed to hang out tonight.

I cried harder as I nodded, sliding onto the floor and grasping my knees, placing my face between them as tears covered my jeans. The white walls of the hospital felt so lonely.

I had so many regrets. I could've tried to stop it. I could've kept him in class with me after school today; he would've been alive if I had spent another minute talking to him. It's my fault.

The tears were flowing; I didn't know why it hurt so badly. I was so sad. I am so sad.

"Stacy?" I heard a voice say, I looked down and realized that Violet was still on the phone. "I'll be there in a couple minutes, okay?" She said calmly as I began feeling terrible for how I had treated her.

Nobody deserves to be treated with anything but kindness; I feel so guilty. I regret it all. I wish I could trade places with Jared; he didn't deserve it. He had such a kind heart, he never hurt anybody. He just cared too much.

I sat alone, crying as silently as I could until my eyes felt dry and puffy. A nurse walked over to me, placing her had on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry for your loss Miss." She said, "is there anything I can do to help you right now?" She asked. Just when I'd thought I had run out of tears, I started balling again. She was so nice.

"My friend is coming to pick me up, can you show me where the exit is?" I asked, standing up as the nurse hugged me. I hadn't realized there were so many kind and compassionate people in the world.

"Sure, and here, I know this isn't much, but hopefully it can make you feel a little bit better today. I know it's hard to deal with the loss of a loved one, but please take your time processing it and know that nothing you could've done could have changed anything. It's not your fault. Many of my patients families place the blame on themselves when in reality, it was just their time to go." She said, patting my back and then handing me a small slip. It was a coupon for the hospital cafeteria. Even if it wasn't much, it still meant a lot.

I thanked her as she got a volunteer to direct me out of the building. I was feeling slightly better, wondering how Jared's family would react at the news. I never had a chance to meet his family. I knew he had a father that he lived with. I hoped he wouldn't be as hurt by the news as I was.

I sat outside the hospital on the small step that separated the sidewalk from the street. I thought back to the kind nurse and the fact that Violet was willing to drive all the way over here to pick me up even though I had consistently treated her like shit. I wished I could be more like these people because kindness; kindness is the one free thing that can make people feel like a million bucks.

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